Psalm 77—A Guide To Godly Grief

How would you help someone who’s going through deep pain and heartache? How would you counsel and comfort them? How would you help them find hope when all seems lost? Maybe you’d say something like, “It’ll all be okay. You’re stronger than this.” Or “Don’t worry, it’ll all work out in the end.” Maybe you don’t know what to say, so you’re just there with your presence but no words, and that's alright. But perhaps you avoid them because you don’t want to say the wrong thing, that's not alright. ​

Often, we naturally want to give comforting words or help make things feel better. But ultimately it’s God’s Words that bring comfort and life in His timing. ​Does the Bible give us an example of how to respond to deep suffering? What do we do when we know God is good but life is hard? About a third of the Psalms are categorized as laments, and they give us a solid example of godly grief.

"To cry is human, but to lament is Christian." —Mark Vroegop

Let’s look at Psalm 77 together to learn what it means to lament:

1 "I cry aloud to God,
    aloud to God, and He will hear me.
2 In the day of my trouble I seek the Lord;
    in the night my hand is stretched out without wearying;
    my soul refuses to be comforted.
3 When I remember God, I moan;
    when I meditate, my spirit faints. Selah​"

Look to God

The psalmist Asaph is going through a trial that is deep and painful. He can’t help but cry aloud, he can’t sleep at night, his soul refuses to be comforted, he moans, and his spirit faints. But Asaph looks to God. Notice that he is not looking to retail therapy, TV watching, or ice cream binging. Asaph is bringing his pain to God. He’s voicing it out loud and not simply “praying in his heart.” Day and night he reaches out… and yet, it doesn’t seem to help right away. Does that mean he should be doing something different? No, Asaph is doing exactly what he needs to in this crisis. He is looking to God. 

Let’s keep reading:

4 "You hold my eyelids open;
    I am so troubled that I cannot speak.
5 I consider the days of old,
    the years long ago.
6 I said, “Let me remember my song in the night;
    let me meditate in my heart.”
    Then my spirit made a diligent search:"

Complain

Asaph knows that God is sovereign over his trial (“You hold my eyelids open”). He tries to think about God and His mighty works in the past and His great promises, but it doesn’t seem to work right away.

Instead, he has six complaints:

7 “Will the Lord spurn forever,
    and never again be favorable?
8 Has His steadfast love forever ceased?
    Are His promises at an end for all time?
9 Has God forgotten to be gracious?
    Has He in anger shut up His compassion? Selah"

Asaph's complaints:

1. Will the Lord spurn (reject) me forever?
2. Will the Lord never again show favor?
3. Has His steadfast love forever ceased?
4. Has God stopped keeping His promises?
5. Has God forgotten to be gracious?
6. Has God’s anger ended His compassion?

​Whoa! Do these complaints reveal Asaph’s faithlessness? Do they show blatant disrespect for God? No, because these are not accusations at God but rather complaints to God. Asaph is trying to reconcile his experience with Who God is. 

I’ve totally been here. After my son passed away, I cried out to God and said, “If this is what Your love looks like then I want nothing to do with it.” Yeah, not good. But voicing my pain to God was huge in my grief journey! God didn’t design you and me to be able to hold all that pain inside. It must be released. God is the only one Who can handle it.

What about you? Is there a pain in your life that you haven’t told God about? Yes, God already knows what it is, but you need to tell Him what it is and how it’s affecting you. God designed you with a need to voice pain, but rather than complaining to ourselves or others we need to lament to God.

Crying to God and sharing your heart is key. He can totally handle it. But don’t stop there…

Remember

There is a turning in verse 10:

10 "Then I said, “I will appeal to this,
    to the years of the right hand of the Most High.”

Then Asaph remembers and appeals to the redemptive work of God:

11 "I will remember the deeds of the Lord;
    yes, I will remember Your wonders of old.
12 I will ponder all Your work,
    and meditate on Your mighty deeds.
13 Your way, O God, is holy.
    What god is great like our God?
14 You are the God Who works wonders;
    You have made known Your might among the peoples.
15 You with Your arm redeemed Your people,
    the children of Jacob and Joseph. Selah"

Asaph rehearses truth. The truth about Who God is and what He has done is more real than his own experience. This may be hard to agree with, but think about it with me… Our experiences are filtered through our senses and emotions. How many times have we misperceived or misunderstood something? I’ve done that more times than I can count! One thing we can bank everything on is the revelation of God—the Bible. It’s stood the test of time, is historically accurate and has radically changed lives.

I love what Elizabeth Elliot says about it:

“If you dwell on your own feelings about things rather than dwelling on the faithfulness, the love, and the mercy of God, then you’re likely to have a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. Our feelings are very fleeting and ephemeral, aren’t they? We can’t depend on them for five minutes at a time. But dwelling on the love, faithfulness, and mercy of God is always safe.”

Trust

Don’t just stop at remembering—trust!

Asaph looks to the greatest act of redemption he could think of:

16 "When the waters saw you, O God,
    when the waters saw you, they were afraid;
    indeed, the deep trembled.
17 The clouds poured out water;
    the skies gave forth thunder;
    Your arrows flashed on every side.
18 The crash of Your thunder was in the whirlwind;
    Your lightnings lighted up the world;
    the earth trembled and shook.
19 Your way was through the sea,
    Your path through the great waters;
    yet Your footprints were unseen.
20 You led Your people like a flock
    by the hand of Moses and Aaron."

The Exodus from Egypt was a key point in Israel’s history. Many times God has Israel remember this great act of redemption. Why? To help them see God’s character and to show them that they have every reason in the world to trust God.

What’s the greatest act of redemption you can think of in all of history? 
Maybe you struggle remembering what God has done for you. Maybe you’re thinking I’m not so sure God has done anything for me. 

Dear friend, let’s look at the cross together in Scripture. Don’t skim! Read it slowly.

Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though He was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Phil. 2:5-8

In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent His only Son into the world, so that we might live through Him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation [payment] for our sins. 1 John 4:9-10

God in His great, great love for you sent His Son Jesus to bridge the chasm between the holy God and sinful man. Not only is God the source of all that’s good and beautiful, but He Himself is good and beautiful. To know Him through Jesus brings abundant life, steadfast joy, and securing peace. 

This doesn’t mean an easy life. Notice verse 19 says, “Your way was through the sea… through great waters.” God had them go through a trial rather than be plucked out of it. God may plan this for your life. It is for a purpose… maybe even 10,000 purposes. And when life, joy, and peace come in spite of a painful life, you know for a fact it’s because God worked (Romans 8:31-39).

“God is always doing 10,000 things in your life, and you may be aware of 3 of them.” —J. Piper

Praise

Asaph obviously didn’t keep this lament to himself (it’s in the Bible!), and neither should we. Like Asaph, share with others the pain of your heart and what God has done for you in the past. Pain and praise. Oftentimes, simply rehearsing out loud to a friend God’s character and work can build up your faith in hard times. I know it has mine.

As you read this, did a pain and praise come to your mind? Please share below in the comments, we’d love to hear! But don’t stop there—share your lament with a friend and remind each other of God’s character and work.

Closing Thoughts

These aren’t steps to follow and check off for an immediate result. No, these are habits to form to build faith. So don’t give up! Keep going! Ask a friend to go on the faith building journey with you!

This is for real life. Even at the four-year anniversary of my son’s birth and passing I still have to remember to make sure my grief is God-focused. One thing I’ve had to do this week is to write down my pains and complaints. I found that when I’m in pain or grieving I have a hard time thinking clearly. So writing them down and then praying them to God has been helpful. It also gives me a record for the future of how God has worked and eased my heart over those pains. And when I have a record, it’s easier to remember and praise God for what He’s done in the past.
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As I wrote this, one of my favorite songs came to mind:

Please share your pain and praise that came to mind as you read this post. We would love to hear from you! But remember, don’t stop there—also share your lament with a friend so that you can remind each other of God’s character and work.

Read more from Kathy here: Finding Hope in Heartache, Finding A Sure Hope After Deep Loss, 10 Favorite Bible Verses On Adoption, Hope When My Heart Hurts