5 Signs of a Functional Family: Intimacy Between the Husband and Wife

9/3/2019

This post is the second in a 5-part series of studies on the family. Last week we talked about An Attitude of Service. This week it's Intimacy Between the Husband and Wife.

Functional families are families that have within them an attitude of service and a level of intimacy between the husband and wife that is characteristic of godliness. The world has reduced the relationship between a man and a woman to nothing more than a physical relationship with no boundaries or commitment. In a Christ-like home the husband and wife will have a relationship that exemplifies the bond that God intended.

"Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, His body, and is Himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her, that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the Word, that He might present the church to Himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of His body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband." Ephesians 5:21-33

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Post Continued

There are several facets to a truly intimate relationship. While the physical relationship that is enjoyed between a husband and wife is a wonderful gift from God, and should be developed and cherished, it is a relatively small part and will not be everything it can be without the development of four other areas of intimacy:

Emotional intimacy should be shared between a husband and wife. That is to say that men as well as women should be willing to allow their mate to enter that inner world of feelings and thoughts.
Intellectual intimacy is attained through the careful attention to sharing and discussing thoughts and ideas. The practice of reading and thinking is one that is becoming archaic but needs to be resurrected and practiced. Husbands and wives should set aside time to discuss ideas they have gained from a book they are reading, experiences at work or current events.
A daily time set aside for relating to your mate the events of your day will allow the development of social intimacy, which will in turn establish and strengthen trust.
Every Christian couple should develop a high level of spiritual intimacy through the frequent discussion of spiritual matters. This is accomplished by sharing with one another what God is teaching you through your daily devotions or discussing the subject matter of the sermon on Sunday.

As husbands and wives develop each of these areas of intimacy, their relationship will be strengthened lending security and making the family a truly functional family.

Come and Gather: Family Time with God

Introducing Come and Gather: Family Time with God, or what we lovingly refer to as Gather.

Gather is a lovely, 35-page, daily devotional centered around families enjoying time together with God and each other.

This 27-day devotional is divided into 3 parts:

Part One: Days 1-5, is written specifically with husbands and wives in mind. In this part of Gather, husbands and wives will explore 5 Signs of a Functional Family.

5 Signs of a Functional Family includes:

Part Two: Days 6-20, is written with the whole family in mind. It's A Walk Through God’s Word. From Genesis to Revelation we will discuss subjects like God's mercy and protection, being humble, dealing with difficulties, having a teachable spirit, dependence on God, and much more.

Part Three: Days 21-27, is a Men of God Character Study. We'll learn character traits that every Christian should strive to demonstrate in their life straight from characters in God's Word.

At the end of Gather, you'll find a place for your family to record specific prayer requests. I love being specific with my prayer request and seeing God answer in specific ways. Recording the answers, as well as the requests, is a great way to help your children see God working in your lives.

Join the movement today and download Gather for free today!

Five Signs of a Functional Family is an older book, however, the principles for strong, functional families, that Chapman uses from God's Word have not changed and because of that I find this book still very relevant today. Plus, you can pick up a hardback copy on Amazon for less than $3.00!

"Strong, functional families do exist today. But if you want to establish healthy patterns in your own family, you'll need to learn how to recognize and apply the qualities they share. Gary Chapman introduces them in Five Signs of a Functional Family." —goodreads

Of those four different kinds of intimacy, emotional, intellectual, social and spiritual, which do you find the most difficult to develop?

24 Comments

Yvonne Chase link

9/3/2019 09:06:16 am

Amen to this: "The practice of reading and thinking is one that is becoming archaic but needs to be resurrected and practiced." I think it would be great for a husband and wife to read this post and then discuss it. I'm sure it would do wonders for their marriage because of the nuggets of wisdom throughout. Great post!

Patsy Burnette link

9/3/2019 06:45:32 pm

Thank you Yvonne, that's a great idea!

Laurie Hess link

9/3/2019 09:17:12 am

I think you are exactly right, Patsy. Intimacy is the key to a strong marriage. Looking back on it, that may have been the hardest lesson to learn when my husband and I were first married (we celebrated anniversary #41 in August!). Developing intimacy requires a certain amount of vulnerability and the need to give up some autonomy, both hard lessons for a young person to learn, especially a headstrong young woman like I was. Intimacy, though, is ultimately more satisfying. Thank goodness God (and my hubby) didn't give up on me!

9/3/2019 06:50:31 pm

Oh, congratulations Laurie! We celebrated 38 in August. :) We're right behind you!

I like how you said that intimacy requires vulnerability and the need to give up some autonomy and that the intimacy you gain is ultimately more satisfying, That's so true!

Michele Morin link

9/3/2019 09:18:51 am

So true that the best thing we can do for our kids is to love our spouse well.
Congratulations on the launch! My review lands tomorrow!

9/3/2019 06:53:44 pm

I love to hear that said, Michele —> It is true, the best thing we can give our kids is to love each other as their parents. Thanks! I'm looking forward to your review.

Rebecca Hastings link

9/3/2019 09:18:52 am

Great encouragement today! I love looking at how we can make families and marriages stronger!

9/3/2019 06:56:17 pm

Yes, Rebecca, making our families stronger by making our marriages stronger are the roots to making our communities stronger. I am convinced that the breakdown of the community begins with the breakdown of the home.

Barbara Harper link

9/3/2019 09:25:07 am

It's so good to remember that all these areas of intimacy are needed, and they all feed into the other areas.

9/3/2019 06:57:36 pm

Yes, Barbara, they do. Each is equally important to a healthy relationship.

Marva | SunSparkleShine link

9/3/2019 02:13:06 pm

Thanks for today's encouragement, Patsy. I remember reading the Power of a Praying Wife and the first thing the author did was point at me, encouraging me to look within. It reminded me that intimacy with my husband is a reflection of my intimacy with God. So powerful!

9/3/2019 06:59:52 pm

Marva, I love that book, The Power of a Praying Wife! I agree, intimacy with my husband is a direct reflection of my intimacy with my God. That IS so powerful!!! Thanks for bringing that point!

Ellen Lockhart link

9/3/2019 06:28:27 pm

How wonderfully blessed am I, that the Lord gave me a functional family. There are too many that don't know the love of Christ and what it even means to have a family like this.

9/3/2019 07:01:20 pm

We are blessed, Ellen!

Boma link

9/3/2019 07:09:47 pm

Thanks for sharing this post, Patsy. Functional families are a blessing not just to family members, but also to society. We must do what's required of us, to be this blessing. Blessings to you!

Patricia P Burnette link

9/3/2019 09:00:22 pm

I agree Boma! Functional families are a blessing and the bedrock of a functional society. Blessings!

Lois Flowers link

9/4/2019 08:54:53 am

Patsy, I'm so glad you point out that physical intimacy is only a small part of the big picture. All five areas really do work together, don't they?

9/4/2019 12:42:36 pm

Yes, Lois, they certainly do!

Tiffany Montgomery link

9/4/2019 12:36:30 pm

Emotional intimacy is a hard thing for us. We both come from crazy families and have had to work very hard to make this part work well.

9/4/2019 08:02:11 pm

That can be difficult, Tiffany! We all probably struggle with that to some degree. Never stop working at it! :)

Lauren Renee Sparks link

9/4/2019 10:21:27 pm

Great post! laurensparks.net

9/5/2019 08:13:36 am

Thanks, Lauren!

Lisa notes link

9/7/2019 11:53:52 am

I so strongly agree with you on this: "Every Christian couple should develop a high level of spiritual intimacy through the frequent discussion of spiritual matters." And sometimes if we don't prioritize it, it won't happen. So thanks for these reminders, Patsy!