5 Signs of a Functional Family: Husbands who are Loving Leaders

9/10/2019

5 Signs of a Functional Family: #3 Husbands who are Loving Leaders

“For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, His body, and is Himself its Savior” (Ephesians 5:23).

We've been looking at signs of a functional family the last couple of weeks. The first week we looked at An Attitude of Service and last week we looked at Intimacy Between the Husband and Wife. Today we will look at Husbands who are Loving Leaders.

An attitude of service, intimacy between the husband and wife and husbands who are loving, godly leaders are all signs of a functional family. God made women and children with a need for leadership. Any man who has been blessed with the privilege of leading a family should give careful consideration to how he is accomplishing this God-given role.

"Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, His body, and is Himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her, that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the Word, that He might present the church to Himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of His body. 'Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.' This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 'Honor your father and mother' (this is the first commandment with a promise), 'that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.' Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." Ephesians 5:21-6:4

Notice in the text that while the husband is ordained by God to be the leader in the home, it is not without direction. Any organization that is to be successful must have clear leadership that is understood by all involved.

In discussing ambiguous leadership, it has been said that a camel is a horse put together by committee. This may well be an overstatement, but it has within it a certain degree of truth. A business, church, civic organization and family must have input from many different sources in order to make good decisions, and it must also have good leadership. Because man is a finite, fallible being, he is unequipped to make every decision he’s faced with unless he has help and input from others. In the end however, a decision must be made and leadership must be exhibited.

Leadership must never be exercised apart from love

Notice in the text that the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church. There has never been a more loving leader than Christ. Someone once said that leadership without love is despotic, but love without leadership is weakness. The wise counsel given to Rehoboam in 1 Kings 12:7 ought to be followed by every husband and father.

"And they said to him, 'If you will be a servant to this people today and serve them, and speak good words to them when you answer them, then they will be your servants forever.'” 1 Kings 12:7

How does a man know if he is loving leader?

Here are six bits of advice to help every man be the leader he should be:

Communicate with your wife
View your wife as your partner
Love your wife unconditionally
Put your wife at the top of your priority list
Be committed to discovering and meeting your wife’s needs
Model spiritual and moral values before your family

How do you recognize a loving leader?

Reprinted with permission | Pastor Jeremy Sweatt | Farmington Avenue Baptist Church, West Hartford, CT

Come and Gather: Family Time with God

Introducing Come and Gather: Family Time with God, or what we lovingly refer to as Gather.

Gather is a lovely, 35-page, daily devotional centered around families enjoying time together with God and each other.

This 27-day devotional is divided into 3 parts:

Part One: Days 1-5, is written specifically with husbands and wives in mind. In this part of Gather, husbands and wives will explore 5 Signs of a Functional Family.

5 Signs of a Functional Family includes:

Part Two: Days 6-20, is written with the whole family in mind. It's A Walk Through God’s Word. From Genesis to Revelation we will discuss subjects like God's mercy and protection, being humble, dealing with difficulties, having a teachable spirit, dependence on God, and much more.

Part Three: Days 21-27, is a Men of God Character Study. We'll learn character traits that every Christian should strive to demonstrate in their life straight from characters in God's Word.

At the end of Gather, you'll find a place for your family to record specific prayer requests. I love being specific with my prayer request and seeing God answer in specific ways. Recording the answers, as well as the requests, is a great way to help your children see God working in your lives.

grab your copy of come and gather over in our little Etsy shop

Five Signs of a Functional Family is an older book, however, the principles for strong, functional families, that Chapman uses from God's Word have not changed and because of that I find this book still very relevant today. Plus, you can pick up a hardback copy on Amazon for less than $3.00!

"Strong, functional families do exist today. But if you want to establish healthy patterns in your own family, you'll need to learn how to recognize and apply the qualities they share. Gary Chapman introduces them in Five Signs of a Functional Family." —goodreads

24 Comments

Michele Morin link

9/10/2019 09:02:18 am

Yes, loving leadership supported by a loving family.
There are so many obstacles today to cohesive family life. We're definitely swimming upstream, but our message resonates with young families who want to do better than what they experienced as children.

Patsy Burnette link

9/10/2019 02:06:59 pm

I agree, Michele. I strongly believe satan is bent on tearing down the family structure—especially when it comes to fathers, because that is (or should be) a picture of God's relationship with His redeemed children.

Aryn The Libraryan ? link

9/10/2019 09:02:26 am

5 signs of a functional family sounds like a great book! Off to Amazon to check it out. Thanks for sharing 📖📚

9/11/2019 07:19:08 am

It is, Aryn! And the last time I looked I think it was like only $2.99 for the hardback!

Rebecca Hastings link

9/10/2019 10:02:07 am

I love your list of how to recognize (or be) a loving male leader in a marriage! Sometimes we have ideas of what a leader should be, but often my husband hasn't fit that mold well because he's not assertive, outgoing or demanding. But this list shows what true leadership is!

I can't wait to share this!

9/10/2019 02:08:05 pm

Thank you, Rebecca!

Boma link

9/10/2019 12:00:10 pm

And they need all the prayers, support, and encouragement they can get, to be the leaders they've been called to be! Thanks for this series, Patsy. Blessings to you!

9/10/2019 02:09:12 pm

Yes, they do Boma! It's a difficult job. I am glad I'm not a father!

ti link

9/10/2019 01:40:22 pm

Wow, this is a great series on the signs of a functional family. Husbands who are loving leaders really are a great sign. And it's easy to focus on the faults of my husband so this was such a good list to think through!

9/10/2019 02:10:48 pm

Ti, the book is great as well. And the last time I looked on Amazon is was only like $2.99 for the hardback! :)

Ellen link

9/10/2019 01:42:54 pm

I'm thankful and blessed to have a husband who has been a godly leader to myself and his family over the years.

9/10/2019 02:11:26 pm

Yes, Ellen, that certainly is a blessing!

Homer Les link

9/10/2019 05:17:11 pm

Great post. Thank you. As a husband and father it is nice to see this as I think men in general are taking a big hit these days.

As a man with many faults I recognize that a good marriage takes an awful lot of work. I can't say there is one thing but many things that contribute to a successful marriage. For us humility, respect, love, communication and friendship all play a critical role in that success.

Our family spent 40 months together homeless and wandering. That does two things to a marriage. One, it stresses the marriage to the hilt as the 'self' nature is exposed in each partner again and again. Each time was an opportunity to be humble and repent. If we had not done that with each other many times our marriage would not have survived.

Secondly, the hunger, hardship and struggle forced us to depend on each other much like soldiers experience in war. That shared struggle is a theme we find helps marriage grow stronger IF we do step one and get rid of 'self'.

My wife have survived 12 years of hell in our 30 years together and we are closer than we have ever been. Though I said I loved her many years ago I had no what idea what love meant. Now that I have had to physically lay my life down for my beloved on more than a few occasions I really do understand what love is.

Thank you for the post.

Blessings,
Homer Les
http://www.uncompromisingfaith.ca

9/10/2019 06:10:38 pm

Thanks for joining the conversation, Homer. I just finished reading your blog.

I think the struggle makes us stronger. Certainly, when we get married we "think" we are in love... but 30, 40, 50 years later, we find that we had no idea what love really was. :)

Susan Shipe link

9/11/2019 07:16:36 am

In a perfect world the husband is the spiritual leader; however, I have never been blessed with a perfect world. I am my own spiritual leader - because if I wasn't I'd be floundering somewhere in the deep blue sea. I think women get so frustrated and then the spiritual goes out the window when there's children in the home that desperately need HER to step up to spiritual leader. Our Father always knows and sees behind closed doors and equips the one who needs to lead. Very touchy topic with me!!!! Can you tell? *smile*

9/11/2019 07:23:50 am

Susan, PRAISE THE LORD for mothers like you who step up when it's necessary to rear godly children.

A father-figure in the home who is a loving, godly leader is the ideal, however, we all know that that is not always the case. When it's not, the world is a better place and the home a better place when someone like you leads the way spiritually. And when done in the right way with the right attitude, hopefully, we pray, that the father/husband will come alongside and take up his God-given role as the spiritual leader. It's a tough calling!

9/11/2019 08:47:35 am

Single Mom's can get really confused in this situation - I would love to see you address the issue in your series! ALL FOR THE KINGDOM!

9/11/2019 08:51:44 am

We're ON IT, Susan! Thanks! :)

Lisa notes link

9/11/2019 01:34:43 pm

I'm thankful when I looked at your six bits of advice, that I can answer yes to each one for my husband. I realize not every wife is as blessed as I am with a great man. I thank God for my husband! He's another gift of grace to me from God.

9/11/2019 02:33:47 pm

It truly is a blessing, Lisa!

Lauren Renee Sparks link

9/11/2019 08:39:04 pm

I love this. It reminds me what a lucky girl I am to have the husband I do. laurensparks.net

9/12/2019 09:36:50 am

Yes, Lauren, me as well! BTW I am vicariously reliving the volleyball mom life through your Instagram posts. My adult girls both played competitive volleyball in high school and I miss those days! Thank you for allowing me to relive them with you! :)

Carlie link

9/12/2019 01:44:56 pm

This wisdom never gets old! Thanks for sharing and linking to a great resource.

9/13/2019 07:07:22 am

Thank you, Carlie!

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