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10 Things Successful Couples Do

11/12/2019

34 Comments

 
10 Things Successful Couples Do

Marriage in a Lifelong Commitment

One of the primary, biblical building blocks for a successful marriage is for the bride and groom to make a lifelong commitment. The Word of God makes it clear that when a man and woman marry, they are at the same time committing themselves to remain married for life. ​

Jesus said: 
"​He answered, 'Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh?' So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”
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Then, in response to a question about divorce, Jesus continued:
"He said to them, 'Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.'" Matthew 19:8-9
One way to make that lifelong commitment stick is to pray over your marriage. ​Checkout 30 Prayers to Pray Over Your Marriage. Some of the best newlywed advice I've read is found here Marriage Advice for Future Me.

From This Day Forward

The marriage vow, therefore, is the expression of a lifelong commitment. The meaning of the vow from this day forward extends throughout one's lifetime. It's a vow that is not to be taken lightly or broken.
"​When you vow a vow to God, do not delay paying it, for He has no pleasure in fools. Pay what you vow." Ecclesiastes 5:4

What's Lifelong Commitment Mean?

This is a true story, and I'm sure there are many others like it: A man and woman had been married only a year when she was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. After thinking seriously about it, she told her husband she was setting him free. But he would not leave her. The tender care and love he showered on her made her remaining years happy and special. Why did he do it? "Because," he said, "when I vowed before God 'for better or for worse' and 'in sickness and in health,' I meant it. And God made both of us unbelievably happy as a result."  

What if I'm Struggling With This Lifelong Commitment?

A lifelong commitment in a marriage relationship is a beautiful thing. It's a gift! Unfortunately, not everyone is blessed with this gift. You may be one that is struggling in a marriage relationship right now, and you're not sure where it's going. Recently, I came across this list of 10 Things Successful Couples Do by Mitch Temple and I was inspired by it! I thought I'd share them with you here today.

But first, let me tell you a little bit about the author: Mitch Temple writes for Focus On The Family and holds graduate degrees in counseling and marriage/family therapy. He has served as a pulpit and counseling pastor, specializing in crisis, business and marriage-and family-related issues. He is also the author or co-author of five books, including The Marriage Turnaround and HELP! My Spouse and I Are Drifting Apart. He's a published author in various professional journals as well. Mitch and his wife, Rhonda, have been married for over 30 years and have 3 grown children. I hope this inspiring list of 10 Things Successful Couple Do is an encouragement to you today, and if you're working at one of those lifelong commitments, I hope it makes that commitment even sweeter!

10 Things Successful Couples Do

  1. Happiness is not the most important thing. Everyone wants to be happy, but happiness will come and go. Successful couples learn to intentionally do things that will bring happiness back when life pulls it away.
  2. Couples discover the value in just showing up. When things get tough and couples don’t know what to do, they need to hang in there and be there for their spouse. Time has a way of helping couples work things out by providing opportunities to reduce stress and overcome challenges.
  3. If you do what you always do, you will get same result. Wise couples have learned that you have to approach problems differently to get different results. Often, minor changes in approach, attitude and actions make the biggest difference in marriage.
  4. Your attitude does matter. Changing behavior is important, but so is changing attitudes. Bad attitudes often drive bad feelings and actions.
  5. Change your mind, change your marriage. How couples think and what they believe about their spouse affects how they perceive the other. What they expect and how they treat their spouse matters greatly.
  6. The grass is greenest where you water it. Successful couples have learned to resist the grass is greener myth — i.e., someone else will make me happy. They have learned to put their energy into making themselves and their marriage better.
  7. You can change your marriage by changing yourself. Veteran couples have learned that trying to change their spouse is like trying to push a rope — almost impossible. Often, the only person we can change in our marriage is ourselves.
  8. Love is a verb, not just a feeling. Everyday life wears away the “feel good side of marriage.” Feelings, like happiness, will fluctuate. But, real love is based on a couple’s vows of commitment: “For better or for worse” — when it feels good and when it doesn’t.
  9. Marriage is often about fighting the battle between your ears. Successful couples have learned to resist holding grudges and bringing up the past. They remember that they married an imperfect person — and so did their spouse.
  10. A crisis doesn’t mean the marriage is over. Crises are like storms: loud, scary and dangerous. But to get through a storm you have to keep driving. A crisis can be a new beginning. It’s out of pain that great people and marriages are produced.

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Today, we want to hear your lifelong commitment stories. If you've seen one or been blessed to be a part of one, please share your story with us.
Please Share
34 Comments
Barbara Harper link
11/12/2019 09:08:17 am

Great advice! We're coming up on our 40 year anniversary, and I can "Amen" much of this.

Reply
Patsy Burnette link
11/12/2019 03:19:48 pm

Yea, Barbara! You have certainly been blessed. We too are coming up on our 40th in a couple of years. Aren't we supposed to go on a cruise to Alaska or something like that? LOL Seriously though, it is a true blessing which I do not deserve. God has been good to me.

Reply
Rebecca Hastings link
11/12/2019 11:14:39 am

All of these. 100% YES.

Let's make and celebrate strong marriages!

Reply
Patsy Burnette link
11/12/2019 03:20:52 pm

I love Mitch's 10 points, Rebecca. They are spot on no matter how long you've been married!

Reply
Lisa notes link
11/12/2019 04:44:32 pm

My husband carries a miniature copy of our marriage vows in his wallet. That has meant so much to me. Thanks for sharing these 10 things. Getting our attitudes right is often a huge part of the battle.

Reply
Patsy Burnette link
11/14/2019 02:44:45 pm

That is so special, Lisa—a miniature copy of your marriage vows! You are so right, attitude is a huge part of it. Most of the time, if there is a problem, I need to check my attitude first.

Reply
Alice V Walters link
11/12/2019 04:50:05 pm

After 45 years of marriage, I'd also add that marriage needs intentional acts of kindness, and recognizing the small blessings builds greater satisfaction. Thanks, Patsy!

Reply
Patsy Burnette link
11/14/2019 02:46:23 pm

45 years! WoW! That's great!!! Being intentional is so much a part of it. I think a lot of times we just start taking each other for granted and we can't ever let that happen. Thanks for that reminder, Alice!

Reply
Joanne link
11/12/2019 06:33:00 pm

Wonderful post. This is the second time today I have heard, "If you do what you always do, you will get same result." This is true with many things in life and is worth thinking on. It is always good to join you!

Reply
Patsy Burnette link
11/12/2019 06:50:27 pm

Thank you Joanne! It is the truth, but funny how often we just keep doing the same old things (especially in our relationships) and expect different results.

Reply
Debbie Wilson link
11/13/2019 09:32:32 am

"Marriage is often about fighting the battle between your ears." So true for much of life

Reply
Patsy Burnette link
11/13/2019 11:34:00 am

Funny how our minds can play those tricks on us, Debbie, trying to make us doubt the truth and believe the lies. Prayers for wisdom.

Reply
Jana link
11/13/2019 12:53:48 pm

Wow. You have packed so much into 10 brief points! This is an excellent resource! I love that you confronted some foundational truths that are often neglected in other posts for married couples. Great post!

Reply
Patsy Burnette link
11/13/2019 01:58:07 pm

Thanks, Jana! I love Mitch's 10 points as well. They are spot on, challenging and great reminders.

Reply
Angela Johnson link
11/13/2019 12:56:05 pm

Love this! Def sharing and pinning!!!

Reply
Patsy Burnette link
11/13/2019 01:58:37 pm

Thank you, Angela! :)

Reply
Natalie link
11/13/2019 03:30:59 pm

Thanks for these strong points. I saw a few that I need to give a little attention to in my own life. Visiting from Welcome Heart today. It's nice to meet you!

Reply
Patsy Burnette link
11/14/2019 07:37:51 am

Welcome to InstaEncouragements, Natalie. So glad you stopped by! I for sure need to pay attention to ALL the points! Good stuff here from Mitch.

Reply
Bev @ Walking Well With God link
11/13/2019 05:00:51 pm

Patsy,
So glad I happened upon your post! I love #7 - the best way to change your marriage is to change yourself. The only person I can work on in my marriage is me. Loved the other 9 as well!
Blessings,
Bev xx

Reply
Patsy Burnette link
11/14/2019 07:40:58 am

Welcome to InstaEncouragements, Bev! Funny how that #7 happens, much like when we pray. So much of prayer ends up changing me, not my circumstances, and marrying someone you hope to change is a deep, deep hole to dig yourself out of!

Reply
Lauren Renee Sparks link
11/13/2019 05:59:28 pm

So much wisdom in this top 10. laurensparks.net

Reply
Patsy Burnette link
11/14/2019 07:42:28 am

There IS a lot of wisdom here, Lauren! And a lot we need to pay attention to.

Reply
Laurie link
11/14/2019 07:24:05 am

I love these 10 things, especially the one you begin with. Happiness is so important. You don't need to feel giddy day after day but a feeling of contentment should be yours in marriage. Hubby and I celebrated #41 this year!

Reply
Patsy Burnette link
11/14/2019 07:45:29 am

Happily ever after... that's what we all talk about and hope for, but that is not reality. Happiness comes and goes and we need to be prepared for the happy times as well as the unhappy times and know that when those unhappy times come, they are just part of the journey—just a chapter, not the whole book. Congrats on your 41 years!!!

Reply
Susan Arico link
11/14/2019 11:29:59 am

These are great!

Reply
Patsy Burnette link
11/14/2019 01:11:49 pm

They are, Susan! And I found a few I need to work on. Even a good marriage needs constant work.

Reply
Mother of 3
11/14/2019 03:42:29 pm

Lots of great advice here.

Reply
Patsy Burnette link
11/15/2019 09:26:28 am

Yes, even if you've got a good marriage, there are still a great deal of excellent points here we can implement into our relationships to make them go from good to great!

Reply
sue link
11/15/2019 12:51:58 am

tweeted - great!

Reply
Patsy Burnette link
11/15/2019 09:26:56 am

Thanks so much, Sue! :)

Reply
Anita Ojeda link
11/15/2019 10:52:29 am

Oh, boy! "The grass is always greenest where you water it" is SO true! The more I invest in my marriage, the better it gets! December marks 31 years of watering the grass :).

Reply
Patsy Burnette link
2/5/2024 06:15:30 am

Congratulations on reaching 31 years of marriage, Anita!! That's a remarkable milestone, and your insight about investing in your marriage is truly wise. "The grass is always greenest where you water it" encapsulates the essence of nurturing and putting effort into relationships. It's heartwarming to read that the more you invest in your marriage, the better it gets. May the love and connection you've cultivated continue to grow and flourish in the years ahead. Wishing you both continued joy, love, and many more beautiful moments together!

Reply
Kristofer Van Wagner link
2/10/2021 12:44:20 am

Thank you for sharing with me that healthy couples understand that marriage is a lifelong commitment. My sister mentioned that she is planning to get married. I will speak with her prior her marriage and remind her of the responsibilities of lifelong commitment.

Reply
Patsy Burnette link
2/5/2024 06:16:57 am

You're so very welcome, Kristofer! It's wonderful that you're planning to have a conversation with your sister about the responsibilities of a lifelong commitment before her marriage. Offering guidance and sharing insights about the importance of commitment and communication can be valuable as she embarks on this new chapter of her life.

Marriage is indeed a journey that requires effort, understanding, and a commitment to growing together. Your supportive and caring approach can contribute to her awareness and preparation for the challenges and joys that may come with marriage.

Wishing your sister a beautiful and fulfilling journey in her upcoming marriage!

Reply

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