First, a glimpse of the waiting room and the people sitting silent and uncomfortable. Each one never looking around at the other, staring blankly at whatever they held in their hands.
In the end I assure you it is a vain attempt to distract yourself. You know what is going on on the other side of that wall. Maybe you don’t fully understand. but you know.
The only thing I remember her saying is that she had been there 11 other times. Eleven! Let that sink in. I did. And it put the fear of God in me. For half a second I thought, God forgive me.
Fourth, a glimpse of the exam room. It was a lot like the room you would sit in at the doctor’s office. Sterile in appearance, with an exam table and a chair in the corner. But, don’t miss this. It is probably the second saddest part of the whole day. It is the moment that I ridiculously bowed my head and knee in front of that chair in the corner of the room and prayed. I prayed! Prayed? Prayed. But, it was pretty much to the chair because I know that had I really prayed to God, I would have stood up and walked out of the room and not back to the table to put on that gown. I prayed, God, please forgive me for what I am about to do, for what I was determined to do. I wanted Him to erase the stigma, the shame, the fear. More on how that worked out later. Fifth, a glimpse of the procedure room. It was a pretty small room in retrospect. Too small, really, to hold the whole dynamic of it’s purpose. But, as I lay there on that table and saw the people in their masks and the machines, I had no real excuse for what I was doing. Just that I had to. That was it. I was here. Here we go. One IV and the whole thing was over. It felt like I only closed my eyes, paused for a moment, and it was done. Irrevocably done! Get Help: Locate a Pregnancy Resource Center Near You
If you are wondering whether or not you’re pregnant, your mind is probably racing with questions. It’s common to feel confused, scared or overwhelmed. Pregnancy resource centers offer confidential support and are available to provide you accurate information about all of your pregnancy options. Click this link to locate a pregnancy resource center near you today.
You can also contact OptionLine by using their contact form, or use the Live Chat Option. Live chat is available any time, day or night. OptionLine offers free, confidential help, information about pregnancy signs and symptoms, information on all your options, and they can quickly connect you to the local assistance you need. Call their pregnancy helpline at 1-800-712-4357 or chat live now!
The last memory I have of that day is waking up in the recovery room to someone standing over me calling my name, encouraging me to wake up and have more juice. They were saying the anesthesia would wear off soon and I would be ready to go. There were a dozen other full beds in that room. So many. Too many.
The person in charge came around and, by now, I was more awake. I was given a pill and release papers. The pill was for the bleeding that was sure to come in a couple of days. If the bleeding gets too bad, take this pill to help it slow down, they said. If it got worse, I was to go to the emergency room. And that was the end. We got back in the car and started back home where my mom was watching my other, two, beautiful children so my husband and I could go on a date. Lies!
So, today I am stuck. For the majority of the 13 years, no one has known except for myself, my husband, and my best friend. Now, many people do. It is my ministry to make sure others know so that they can make different choices.
I killed my baby. You don’t have to.
There are so many other choices that are out there.
If you are pregnant, or think that you are, call a pregnancy resource center in your area and talk to someone. They are there to help you. Really, really help you. They are not getting paid for what they do. The abortion clinics are. They will look you in the eye and listen to you. The abortion clinics likely won’t. At the pregnancy resource center, they will ask you to consider life over death. I ask you to also. Choose life! Choose life! Choose life!
Read more in next Tuesday's post Sonja's Story: Redemption (Part 2).
Choosing Life Raises your Pro-life EQ, emotional intelligence,
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Click here to enter“Humans are very attached to outcomes. We say we trust God but behind the scenes we work our fingers to the bone and our emotions into a tangled fray trying to control our outcomes. We praise God when our normal looks like what we thought it would. We question God when it doesn’t. And walk away from Him when we have a sinking suspicion that God is the one who set fire to the hope that was holding us together.” ―Lysa TerKeurst, It's Not Supposed to Be This Way
Thank you, Sonja, for sharing the unflinching realism of your own story as a turnaround in the road for someone else's story. Praying to that end right now . . .
Sonja, thank you for being a warrior for choosing life!! You've been in this battle on both sides and a battle that so many women face. The Option Line is one of the resources we give out in the ministry I work for (faith based crisis line-The Hope Line) I've had the opportunity to share hope with young ladies that are in this battle of healing and some in the battle of deciding. It's a heavy battle. You are absolutely doing a beautiful work from the scars left behind which lives out Beauty for Ashes! I just said a prayer over your ministry for God's hand to do great and mighty things in and through it!!
Thank you for the prayers. It is a blessing to partner with you to change the culture from death to life!
Sonja, you are a courageous wise hearted women for stepping up and allowing God to use a time of your life that could have destroyed you. Keep it up my sister in the Lord, keep it up. I will add you to my prayer list because the enemy of you soul hates what you are doing but you defeat him by your courage and openness.
Thank you for the prayers. I covet the strength and peace only God can bring through the intercession of the saints.
Thank you for bravely sharing this story. I know it will help many to feel less alone and hopeless. laurensparks.net
Even with this, I cannot imagine what you went through! My heart breaks for anyone in this situation, feeling like abortion is the only answer.
Such a powerful story. Thanks so much for sharing and for opening your heart to the possibility that it could make a difference for someone else... Praying that God uses it in a mighty way!
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