Why Do I Care What They Think?

Some people pride themselves on their disregard for what others think. As someone who has never felt confident declaring “I don’t care what people think,” I have often wondered if this characteristic is genuine.

​Do people with this professed attitude really not care about the opinions of the people around them, or do they just say that to receive praise? 

I don’t really have an answer to that question, but in my own personal experience, other people’s opinions of me, when positive, can result in a burst of positive emotions:
​

• Satisfaction
• Gratitude
• Positivity
• Productivity
• Confidence ​

When negative, however, what other people think can just as easily cause me to spiral into negative emotions: 
​

• Anxiety 
• Fear
• Self-doubt
• Confusion
• Embarrassment

I have often wondered what God thinks about the range of emotions petty little words and attitudes can have on me. Regardless of how our society glorifies the personalities that easily brush off other people’s opinions and stay “true to themselves,” how does God actually want me to respond to praise, censure, or just my overall feeling (true or imaginary) about what other people think?

When I searched the internet for what other Christians have to say about this topic, I found an overabundance of pep-talks insisting that you’re never truly free until you truly don’t care what others think, or that God loves you just the way you are, so it doesn’t matter what others think.

While I appreciate the underlying sentiments that I found in those articles, I wasn’t looking for someone to reassure me of how much God loves me as I am. I felt dissatisfied until I stumbled on an article by John Piper that brought me straight to the biblical truth at the heart of the matter. 

In his article, Piper juxtaposed several passages of Scripture that seem to contradict each other on this matter: ​

“For do I now persuade men, or God? Or do I seek to please men? For if I yet pleased men, I should not be the servant of Christ.” Galatians 1:10

“Woe unto you, when all men shall speak well of you! For so did their fathers to the false prophets.” Luke 6:26

“A good name is rather to be chosen than great riches, and loving favor rather than silver and gold.” Proverbs 22:1-9

“Moreover, he must have a good report of them which are without; lest her fall into reproach and the snare of the devil.” I Timothy 3:7 

After contrasting these passages (as well as others), he brings clarity to the issue by reminding Christians of what the ultimate purpose is behind all of these texts. ​

"Question: How is the tension between these two groups of passages to be resolved? Answer: By realizing that our aim in life is for "Christ to be magnified in our bodies whether by life or by death" (Philippians 1:19-20). In other words, with Paul, we do care—really care—about what others think of Christ. Their salvation hangs on what they think of Christ. And our lives are to display His truth and beauty. So we must care what others think of us as representative of Christ. Love demands it.

But notice where the accent falls: not on our value or our excellence or our virtue or our power and wisdom. It falls on whether Christ is honored by the way people think of us. Does Christ look great because of the way we live? It matters to us whether He does." —John Piper, Founder & Teacher, desiringGod.org

This answer satisfied my search, because it reminded me of what is truly important—Christ’s reputation. What really matters is how clearly people are seeing Christ through me. 

• If I feel flattered or important because other people think well of me, I am responding in pride.
  ​ 
• If I feel despondent or anxious because other people think badly of me, I am responding in pride. 

​​How then should we respond to what other people think? Piper’s article led me to many Bible passages that helped me glean two pointers to managing the tidal wave of what others think: 
​

1. Be Confident in Your Identity. ​
   As Christians, our identity as valuable, cherished, and redeemed image-bearers of God is unable to be changed by anyone else’s opinion. We don’t have to jump on the never-ending emotional roller coaster ride of public opinion. Instead, God has given us a stable identity that can give us emotional peace if we keep in mind our place in Christ.
   ​​
   
2. Be Aware of Christ’s Reputation.
   If we are confident in our identity in Christ, we can remain content whether we are receiving accolades or criticism because we know we have worth to the God of the universe. If we add to this confidence a continual awareness of Christ’s reputation instead of our own, our pride, which causes our emotions to be so affected by what others think, will give way to our desire to make His name known—and known to be good.

I’ll conclude with Piper’s conclusion to his article:

Yes, we want people to see us with approval when we are displaying that Jesus is infinitely valuable to us, but we dare not make the opinion of others the measure of our faithfulness. They may be blind and resistant to truth. Then the reproach we bear is no sign of our unfaithfulness or lack of love. 
​
May God give us wisdom and love and courage to please and not to please as we hold fast to Christ our treasure. 

How is your confidence in your identity and awareness of Christ’s reputation doing today?