We Cannot Change the People We Love

11/6/2020

Change is God's Business

I love this time of year. The variety and beauty of the colors on display coupled with the need to get out my electric blanket makes my heart rejoice. Pumpkin spice in my coffee and fires in the fireplace are special treats. This change in season is a change I welcome and embrace. I can quickly acknowledge that God is the Author of such a wonderful part of His creation. He deserves all the credit for His work and way. It is easy for me to see Him and His ability in every intricate leaf and cool breeze. Have I said how much I love this time of year?

Change of seasons for a Creator God is effortless. He spoke and all the world was formed. Change is His business. He can perform it at will and with a perspective that is guided by His sovereignty.

Why then do I insist that it is up to my ability to change the people I love? Why do I think of myself so highly as to take credit for an obedient child or to take equal blame for that same child’s disobedience? How foolish and arrogant is this way of thinking?

As moms who desperately desire to be all things to all people in our care, we often find ourselves frustrated and defeated because we can not bring about change. Whether it be in behavior or heart, we have been given the discernment to recognize that change needs to take place. It is not that we are even misguided in our thinking or lacking in our motivation. We can find truth in the Word to support our view and our desire. Our hearts only want what God wants. With all of this driving our efforts, it should be a simple and immediate process. Prayers, punishments, and prizes should bring about the new leaf we know is best. Changing an attitude should be as effortless for us because we are moms right?

Just as it would be impossible for me to change one summer green leaf into a brilliant orange, which happens to be my favorite color, it is equally impossible to change the heart of my children.

Try as I may, there is not a formula, system, or program that I can enact to bring about such a result. Often in a prayer of desperation, I will claim my “love for them” as a reason why they should conform to whatever difference I think needs to be. I plead my case, and ask for my way, with a “right now Lord,” and a “this is for Your sake and glory,” attached to my prayer.

What I quickly forget is summarized in Ezekiel.

“And I will give them one heart, and a new spirit I will put within them. I will remove the heart of stone from their flesh and give them a heart of flesh.” Ezekiel 11:19

Nowhere in this verse do I find even a tiny reference to Christine. Absent from this verse is also any responsibility placed on my shoulders. God found this truth to be so important that He repeats the same verse again Ezekiel 36:26, and He emphasizes what results will be seen in a life changed by His power and grace in verse 27.

“And I will put My Spirit within you, and cause you to walk in My statutes and be careful to obey My rules.”

God brings about change in lives, not moms. Yes, we must be obedient ourselves, stand in the gap, stay in the Word, and on our knees, but that is not what brings a change in others.

Those are all necessary to bring about change in us. Just as every leaf will transform into a vibrant array of warm hues, so will a heart that has been touched by a loving and gracious God. An alteration in my heart will outpour into the lives of my children. This is the humbleness of a mother’s role. To be transformed into the image of God through every season we walk through allows us to be a part of what we have desired all along.

As we walk through the majesty and beauty of the autumn landscape, may we bow to His sovereignty in the lives of our children whether they be two or forty-two. Let us adore God as Creator, love Him as Savior, and acknowledge Him as King.

For every leaf that falls and carpets the ground with a blanket of color, may it remind us that changes of the heart are in God's very capable and sovereign hands.

May humility of the impossible bring peace instead of defeat, and may we rest in our role as a living example of an ever-changing life for His glory.

How have you witnessed change, brought about by God, in the lives of those you love?

Written for parents with children of any age, Shepherding a Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp is an insightful book that provides perspectives and procedures for shepherding your child's heart into the paths of life. You will find that Shepherding a Child's Heart gives fresh biblical approaches to child rearing, whether you are just starting out with a toddler or well into the teen years.

There is even a Parent's Handbook, and it's not just a fill-in-the-blank study guide that rehearses the material in Shepherding a Child's Heart. In the years since the publication of Shepherding a Child's Heart, Tedd Tripp has had the opportunity to teach on parenting to thousands of young parents across the country and in many other parts of the world. That, coupled with years of insights into God's Word on the subject, has resulted in a broader and deeper understanding of the content and application of Shepherding a Child's Heart.

In this handbook, you will find sections of Bible study, application, and strategic questions to help parents commit to change, along with Gospel encouragement that you can be a better parent because of the power of God's grace working in you. The Parent's Handbook is a valuable tool for personal or group study.

12 Comments

Laurie Hess link

11/6/2020 02:00:34 pm

This post should be required reading for every couple wishing to get married. Only God can cause true, meaningful change in us. Only He has the power. We shouldn't even want to change someone we love, to reshape them in our image of "perfection". Loved this, Patsy!

Patsy Burnette link

11/6/2020 05:10:55 pm

I totally agree, Laurie. Christine has had lots of practice in this area with 11 kiddos. I love her heart and this post. It actually relieves a lot of the pressure off of us as moms. As she says, "we must be obedient ourselves, stand in the gap, stay in the Word, and on our knees, but that is not what brings a change in others." It's not us as moms who make change happen in the hearts of our children, it's God.

Karen Del Tatto link

11/6/2020 04:17:40 pm

When my son was little, he struggled with severe ADHD and it was exasperating. He could push my buttons and I would lose my temper and raise my voice. This had no effect on him because it was like he just smiled and said, "Is that all of you've got?". But as a child of God, I was convicted that I was allowing myself to be angry and not disciplining in a Godly way. Until I read Ted Tripp's book Shepherding a Child's Heart. That book was transformational in using it as a parent to shepherd my ADHD child's heart. But the reality is, it was my heart that was being taught the proper way to approach my child's heart. So although the book's title implies it is the child who will receive change {and they do}, it is the parent's heart change through the wisdom of the book that models to the child what it means to have a heart for Christ which ultimately shepherd's that heart within our children.

Great post. Thanks for sharing.

11/6/2020 05:20:47 pm

Karen, I totally forgot about Tedd Tripp's book "Shepherding a Child's Heart" until you mentioned it in your comment. I know we've featured it here on the blog before, but it's been a while. I added it to the post so readers could easily find it. This book was so helpful to us when we were in the thick of childrearing! I highly recommend it!

I love your comment. By the way, I think we had the same son.

Theresa Boedeker link

11/6/2020 05:37:02 pm

Your title had me laughing. Oh if only we could change other people. But then I suppose they are wanting to change us. We cannot change other people, just ourselves. And even God who has the ability, doesn't magically change us and leave us nothing to do. He patiently waits for us to take some steps and do the work ourselves. This is a hard concept to grapple with as parents.

11/6/2020 06:28:34 pm

I do find, Theresa, that most of the time (if not all the time) when I want to change other people, it's usually me that needs to do the changing. God knows this, and He is working in the background to make those changes happen in MY life, not the "other people's" life. Funny how He works on us like that!

Ashley Rowland | HISsparrowBlog link

11/9/2020 10:06:37 am

This is a lesson I keep having to learn. And it really apples to all of our relationships.

1/11/2024 08:39:21 am

The lesson of humility is indeed a continuous journey, Ashley, and its application extends to various aspects of our lives, especially in relationships. Embracing humility fosters understanding, empathy, and stronger connections with others. May your journey of learning and applying this valuable lesson be filled with growth and meaningful connections.

Lisa notes link

11/9/2020 11:51:43 am

"God brings about change in lives, not moms." This is good advice for us to remember on any level, whether it's in the lives of those we love or those we watch from afar.

1/11/2024 08:40:59 am

Absolutely, Lisa, that statement holds a profound truth. It's a reminder that, ultimately, God is the One who brings about transformation and change in lives. This perspective encourages trust and surrender, acknowledging the divine power at work in the lives of those we care about and even in those we observe from a distance. May we find peace in knowing that God is at work in the lives of those around us, guiding and transforming according to His perfect plan.

Donna link

11/13/2020 01:30:13 pm

Christine, this is excellent! Such great advice, as you say no matter the age of our children. I often find myself meddling, and instructing God as to what needs to happen in my children's lives, how foolish is that? They are in His hands and His sovereign will is better than anything I could imagine for them!

1/11/2024 08:42:14 am

Your recognition of the tendency to meddle and instruct God is a humble and insightful realization, Donna. Indeed, entrusting our children to God's sovereign will is a powerful act of faith. His plans for them far exceed our understanding, and placing them in His capable hands is the wisest choice. May your journey of trusting God's sovereign will for your children be filled with peace and confidence in His perfect plans.

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