In all of these circumstances, there is a point where she must relinquish control or even acknowledge that she has little to none. It is more than just fear at play. It is an understanding deep down that, try as she might, there are things beyond her control and a desperation to fight and change that.
While I can recognize the futility of my daughter endeavoring to control the water in a swimming pool, I am less apt to see the ways in which my heart often mirrors her own. This summer I frequently reminded her that in order to swim, she was going to have to let go of her fear and the idea of control. In doing so, she would learn a valuable skill but also find freedom and fun in the process. Each time I counseled her with this truth, a voice would whisper to my heart, “and you, too.”
The truth is there is no such thing as control, at least not for us created beings. We like to think that if only we could have complete control over the people and circumstances in our lives, things would be better and we would find the safety, security, and peace we crave. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Control is a myth, a lie. The reality is that our shoulders were never meant to bear the weight of control and we could never endure its load. Only God is wise enough and strong enough to exert control over all living things at every moment without ceasing.
Control Versus Stewardship
The definition of control is to have the power of ruling, regulating, limiting, and dominating a person or circumstance. While this may sound harsh and severe to us, our God is able to exert His authority and control over creation with perfect wisdom and steadfast love. In His hands, control is a loving, protective tool.
However, when we try to take God’s place and assume control in our lives, it becomes selfish, manipulative, and destructive. We cannot rule, regulate, limit, or dominate anyone or anything, and when we try to force or impose our will, there are almost always disastrous consequences.
And yet, in this life, we are not left completely powerless. What God has given us is not control, but power with limits. This is stewardship. Every aspect of our lives is wrapped up in stewardship. From our bodies and health to our finances to our time to our relationships and everything in between, we are stewards. That role and responsibility are certainly not powerless. For example, my husband and I are stewards of our daughter. We have the responsibility and power to instruct, discipline, guide, and nurture her. We can create an environment that curbs or restrains her behavior, and we can impose our will on her to a point. However, we cannot control her, not truly. I cannot force my child to love God. I cannot make her give her heart to Him. Only God can reach and control her heart. But He has given us the responsibility and power to either soften or harden her heart to His truth. Ultimately, Emersyn belongs to God, not us. She is His creation. “Behold, all souls are Mine; the soul of the father as well as the soul of the son is mine.” Ezek. 18:4
We are stewards of Emersyn’s life and heart, a powerful responsibility. But we are not her Sovereign. As we seek to love her and steward her well, we must often remind ourselves that our goal is not to control or subjugate her to our will but to point her to Christ in such a way that she gladly kneels to His rule in her life.
The Fallout of Fighting for Control
I’ll be honest, I know the truth about control in my head, but my heart so often deceives me into fighting for control anyway. Each time I do, I face the inevitable consequences.
Overcoming Control
Consider the words of author and pastor John Onwuchekwa:
“Prayer reminds us that control is an illusion, a farce. We don’t have it. But, far from driving us to depression, I think this fact drives us to dependence. When we depend on God, we see Him in a whole new light. We’re reminded that the God that we serve is eager to do good to us. This is not a God that has to be coerced into solving our problems . . . More than that, God Himself tells us the things that we should pray for so that we don’t have to invent them all ourselves. God is eager to come through. He’s eager to bless, to help His children.”
Not only can we take comfort knowing God is eager to help us in our trials and difficulties, but He is also using them to grow, strengthen, and conform us into Christlikeness. He is not arbitrary or capricious in what He allows into our lives. He is purposeful and He is faithful. So, when life becomes tumultuous and you feel yourself grasping for control, remember who He is. Call to Him in prayer and trust His perfect wisdom.
We are not in control and there could be no better news. I have enough work to do and burdens to bear; I do not need the weight of control. Throughout the history of our world, God has proven time and time again He is more than capable and trustworthy to order “all things according to the counsel of His own will” (Ephesians 1:11). He has shown His love and care for His creation by sending His own Son to heal our brokenness and redeem our souls.
When life seems to be spiraling out of control, we need never doubt He has a plan, a perfect plan. His purposes cannot be thwarted (Job 42:2). No, control is not a burden we need ever bear. Our goal, our responsibility is to live in a way that honors Him, that points to His greatness.
“The Lord Will Provide” is a precious song to my husband and me. We sang it at our wedding almost ten years ago. It meant much to us back then and even more now that we’ve lived a decade of life together. I am always challenged by its words and the call to live in dependence on God, confident that He will never fail us. I share its final words with you and pray you will be encouraged and emboldened to trust Him more each day. Let’s live fully committed to Him and His purposes for us, knowing He is able and eager to bring all things together for good!
How have you seen God bring all things together for good after you yielded your control?
4 Comments
2/3/2024 10:22:48 am
Thank you for sharing your appreciation for the post, LaRissa!! It's indeed a powerful realization that the idea of control is ultimately a myth and a burden our shoulders were never meant to carry. Understanding this truth can free us from unnecessary stress and lead us to trust in the One who holds ultimate control. May you continue to find peace and wisdom in surrendering the illusion of control to God.
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8/29/2022 11:16:57 am
Oh, my! What a powerful post. I think we all struggle with wanting to feel as though we're in control, but, like you said, control is an illusion. I loved what you said about the difference between control and stewardship; I'll be keeping that in mind.
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2/3/2024 10:23:52 am
I'm glad you found the post powerful, Ashley! Indeed, distinguishing between control and stewardship can be transformative. Embracing the concept of stewardship allows us to focus on our responsibilities and actions without the weight of trying to control every outcome. May this perspective bring you peace and a sense of purpose as you navigate life's journey. Thank you for sharing your thoughts!
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