The Kindness of Reproof

If you had been a fly on the wall in our house this morning, you would have witnessed quite a few tears being shed at breakfast. As my daughter was finishing up her food, I began to give her instructions about what she needed to do next. I could tell straight away that she was not listening to me. Naturally, I repeated myself and made my voice a little louder, hoping to gain her attention. Unfortunately, instead of heeding my words, she began to do the exact opposite of what I was telling her to do. So, I raised my voice even louder, but she still failed to listen and obey what I was saying. Everything came to a dramatic head when it took both my husband and myself admonishing her with a sharp tone to finally get her attention. And this is where the waterworks came rushing in. 

After dealing with the issue of her failure to listen and obey, she said to me with eyes still brimming with tears... ​

“When you and Daddy speak roughly to me, it feels like you don’t love me.” It was at that moment that the Holy Spirit not only gave me truth to shepherd my daughter but also my own heart as well. 

So often in my life, God has had to send things that sting or hurt to get my attention back on Him. These moments always seem like a jolt, coming out of nowhere. But the truth is, God is always giving me the grace and mercy I don’t deserve. He’s always showing me great kindness and patiently calling me back to where He knows I need to be. 

But all too often I am oblivious to such grace. I am so focused on my wants, desires, plans, and ideas that I’ve crowded out any space for Him to quietly speak into my heart and mind. I don’t heed the warnings He sends me through His Word or through the people He places in my life. I don’t notice the ways He has been gentle or long-suffering with me. I’m too wrapped up in me to be fully consumed with Him. 

I can look back at many times God had to “speak roughly” to me, as my daughter would put it. Even in my memories, those moments hurt. And, like my daughter, I’ve been tempted to doubt my Father’s love for me. But through many years and even many more failures, I have learned that God’s chastisement, His “speaking roughly” is one of the greatest evidences of His love for me. 

• Proverbs 3:11-12 “My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline, and do not resent His rebuke, because the Lord disciplines those He loves, as a father the son he delights in.”
• Psalm 94:12-13 “Blessed is the one you discipline, Lord, the one You teach from Your law; You grant them relief from days of trouble, till a pit is dug for the wicked.”
• Psalm 119:67, 75 “Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I obey Your Word…I know, O Lord, that Your rules are righteous, and that in faithfulness You have afflicted me.”
• Revelation 3:19 “Those whom I love, I reprove and discipline, so be zealous and repent.”

The problem or disconnect for us in all of this is that we don’t like the pain of reproof. But that is exactly why we need it. In his book, The Problem of Pain, C.S. Lewis explains how God lovingly uses pain to draw us back to Him. We are prone to ignore Him and even His blessings, but pain is something we cannot ignore. As Lewis says, “Pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures and speaks to us in our conscience. But shouts in o​ur pains: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world.”

• We are often too comfortable in the world, rather than being Kingdom-minded. So God must rouse us from our comfort. 
• We are often running headlong into greater affliction or pain, and so God rouses us to see the dangers we are racing toward. 
• We are often living in disobedience and disregard for God and His Word, and so He lovingly but firmly rouses us to return to a pursuit of holiness. 

I think it is important to note that pain is not the only tool God uses to reprove us and draw us to repentance, nor does He delight in chastising His children. After allRomans 2:4 tells us that God also uses His mercy and kindness to bring us to a place of repentance.

​Consider this story from Pastor John Piper:

     “One time I got really mad at [my wife] Noel because I found a whole crate of rotten pears in the garage. She had forgotten this fruit she had bought, and it had just rotted in the garage. And I went into her, and I said, ‘What is with the pears?’
     'Oh, I forgot them.’
     ‘A whole crate of pears just rotted in the garage!’ I said, and on and on and on. And I was getting down on her like I have never done anything like that. And she kind of went back to her bedroom. She’s hurt, and I am mad as all get out, and to kill time I pick up the garbage and take it outside to put it by the street because it is garbage pick-up day.
     And when I got on the driveway the sun was as bright, as glorious as could be. The sky was blue. A sweet breeze was blowing on my face. And I stopped and cried. I just cried because God was kissing me on the cheek after that rotten attitude. And it broke me like nothing else.
     You know, He could have caused a car to careen over the curb and smack me into the hospital, and He would have been absolutely right to do so, but instead, He smiled upon me. So the point there is God is always disciplining us. Out of His goodness, He is always doing things for our good, both gentle and hard things.”

God, in His unfailing wisdom, knows when we need gentle correction and when we need the painful sting of admonishment. In love, He perfectly chooses the right tool to bring our gazes back to Him.

This morning I explained to my daughter that when we fail to heed to a quiet and gentle correction, a sharp rebuke is often the only way we will listen and learn. This may not feel like love, but it is. If I didn’t love her, I would let her do whatever she wanted, and I would not trouble myself to teach her that even as a little sinner, God loves her and sent His only Son for her. So it is with us and the Lord. If God didn’t love us, He would have cast us aside at our first disobedience. He doesn’t need us, but we desperately need Him. And so, in love He pursues us. And He will never stop faithfully seeking after us until His kingdom comes. ​

Perhaps you have been running from or bitter against the reproof of God. Perhaps you need to look back and reframe how you look at the various trials or corrections God has brought into your life — to see them as evidence of His love, rather than a failure to be faithful. Wherever you are today, remember that God loves you. All that He does to and for you is borne of love. Furthermore, God is always far more gracious to us than we deserve. And if you are ever tempted to doubt any of this, just look to the cross. It was there that your Heavenly Father sent His only Son to die for you. Jesus, who lived a holy life, unstained by sin, and always in perfect obedience to God, died for you. He took all of your sins. All the selfish, ugly, and wicked thoughts, words, and deeds you have done and ever will do — God put them on His Son because He loves you. So, hear His corrections, heed His reproof, and be certain in the knowledge that His love and kindness have pursued you even there.

How have you, through God's reproof, seen Him far more gracious than you deserve?