The Blessing of Loneliness

I am currently in the midst of close to seven months of traveling in the States reporting to churches about what God has done in England during my first term on the field. I have spent over five years in two churches in England, and as I reflect on those years, there are tons of blessings that I have experienced and could share with you. But the unexpected blessing that I have found to be the most precious is the blessing of loneliness.

Now you might be sitting there reading this and thinking that I have lost it. Why would loneliness be a blessing? Well, let me take you back to my childhood and teen years.

My two sisters and I heard my dad tell us repeatedly the following phrase. You might even call it a family motto since today it is posted on the door to my parents’ home as you leave. The phrase is this – “Be a blessing, not a burden.”

I have seen this phrase help my thinking in countless ways over the years, but during this first term on the mission field, it was this phrase that really helped me through my struggle with loneliness.

If you are a frequent reader of my posts (you can read those here), you may be thinking that I struggled with loneliness because I am single. That’s what I signed up for when I went to the mission field as a single woman, right?

Well, I am here to say that I did not struggle with loneliness because I live by myself. Marital status has nothing to do with loneliness. I have known some married women with homes full of children who have struggled in this way as well.

​Loneliness, I believe, is a common problem no matter how full or empty your home is. I have known people who talk about being lonely while they stand in a large crowd. So, what is it that causes us to struggle with loneliness?

I believe that loneliness is a tactic of the devil that tempts us to take our eyes off the Lord and to focus on ourselves. Being lonely is not a sin in and of itself, but giving in to those feelings and the selfishness that perpetuates those feelings is sin.

​The Bible speaks of people like Elijah in 1 Kings 17 who struggled with loneliness. So, I think I can safely say that loneliness is not unique to me or to any of us. But the good news is that there is a cure for loneliness. Read on for the answer!

​Let me tell you a little of my story that illustrates this principle. When I moved to England, I really was moving out of my parents’ home for the first time. I had enjoyed living with them and serving in the Christian school and local church since my graduation from college over ten years before. I had a great group of friends who all enjoyed spending time together. The move was very hard on me. I landed in England without knowing many people at all. The adjustment to a new culture without “my people” was tough. (Don’t feel too sorry for me…the Lord has given me a whole new set of friends who are like family in the UK, but that is a story for another day.)

As the newness of moving and getting settled into this new life wore off, I remember the realization of being “all alone” in my house. Immediately the feelings of loneliness began to creep in. I was so tempted to hold a very lonely and sad “pity party” for Baker – Party of 1! It wasn’t long before the Holy Spirit reminded me of several truths.

First, I was not alone! The Lord called me to this place, and He was with me (Hebrews 13:5). Praise God that as Christians we are NEVER alone! I was also reminded of that phrase from my childhood – “Be a blessing, not a burden.” Staying in my house and moping about life was not why I had moved across the ocean. The Lord had brought me here to be a blessing to people and to share the Gospel with them. This attitude of loneliness was rendering me ineffective in the work I was called to. I can’t be a blessing to people if I stay home and wallow in my loneliness.

So, I did what my dad taught us through that phrase – I went out and found some people to be a blessing to. The Lord brought me some of those people who asked me to come to their homes for some fellowship. Some of those times turned into regular Bible studies and visiting unsaved ladies.

​See, this is what Paul was teaching us in Ephesians 4:1-3. Part of our calling in life is to serve others in a spirit of humility, meekness, and patience with a selfless heart of love all the while seeking unity and peace in these relationships. When I give in to loneliness and focus on myself, I can’t do any of those things Paul admonished us with in Ephesians 4. When I focus on myself and my loneliness, I am a distinctly miserable person who is rendered completely ineffective in my work for the Lord! 

You would think this struggle was all over once I got it under control early in my time in England, right? Unfortunately, it is not something that is a “one and done” spiritual battle for me. Especially when Covid hit in 2020, I struggled with this yet again, but maybe not in the way you would imagine.

A week before the world shut-down, my sweet mom stepped off a chair the wrong way and shattered her ankle. We didn’t know at the time, but this injury would leave her non-weight bearing on that ankle for at least twelve weeks after a surgery to install thirteen screws and two rods. She would have a subsequent surgery with a necessary bone graft as well. It was a very trying time for her and for our very close-knit family.

I was feeling very isolated and alone on the other side of globe just sitting in my house while she was suffering through all these things. We considered whether I should return to the States to help her, but God impressed on my heart that I should stay in the UK. Of course, looking back, we know the rest of the Covid shut down story and how all that played out for travel and such. Coming back to the States for that prolonged time would have jeopardized my visa status in the UK.

​What I can see now is that my loneliness and longing to be with my mother was exactly what I needed. God assured me that He had her all taken care of, and there were some people I needed to be a blessing to in England during the pandemic. I got to witness to all my neighbors and several other people in my neighborhood because of Covid. I would have missed all of that if I had come home to help my mom or given in my loneliness and not reached out during a very strange time in life. I don’t know why Mom needed to break her ankle or why we all needed to navigate a global pandemic, but I know that God has it all under control, and He is using those things in our lives to reach out to people for eternity.
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I am not naïve enough to believe that everyone can and should navigate their struggle with loneliness the same way I have. But I do know that we serve a faithful God who promises to be with you in the struggle. You can trust Him! May I encourage you when you feel the temptation to wallow in your loneliness to first reach out to the Lord for help! Read the Psalms, and you will see that David often cried out to the Lord in very difficult circumstances. And then ask God to help you minister to someone else. It will help your perspective and may even send that loneliness packing all on its own!

Have you struggled with loneliness, and if so, what were your go-to Bible verses?