"In a world of fast-paced social media, I feel the pressure of never being able to settle. As I scroll, there’s a mom whose kids look perfect, Betty, who can afford Starbucks daily, and Jane, whose kids are basically pro-athletes at the budding age of seven.
Before I knowingly give my permission, the status of my clean kitchen, the number of attended outings, my role as a mother or a servant at church each becomes a piece of my well-constructed identity, and the parts of my life that I once considered imperfectly beautiful feel like they’re not enough. If this identity tells me anything, it’s that my ability to do it all, have it all, and be it all will result in my being loved and worthy, and I desperately want these things.
I feel like I’m doing great until I fail at the juggling act, having been a cheerleader of my own marathon of mayhem. Like the clumsy circus leader I really am, the crushing reality of my misplaced worship (erm…myself) leaves me empty and discouraged.
I realized this firsthand as I sat in an anxiety-laden surgery unit of a hospital, waiting for the doctor to give us an update on my dad’s open-heart surgery. I can still feel the tingle of his buzzer in my palm. ‘His heart has been successfully stopped.’ Can I ever unhear those words?
With my heart in my throat, buzzing alarm in hand, I brokenly realized I’d come to the end of my own strength. On a whispered prayer, I asked God to take control. It was an ironic gift that the moments between ‘it will all be fine’ and ‘we might lose him’ brought so much clarity. For me, it was that my identity as resilient and ready for anything was a big fat, fake one.
I realized how incapable I really was to change anything. I couldn’t gain others’ love or earn the worth I so desperately desired. I certainly couldn’t knit together the frayed fabric of my life.
As I vulnerably turned my life over to Someone greater and much more capable than myself, the pressure valve released within me. He lovingly revealed that I didn’t need to base my value on frail measures of worth. He was never looking for my perfection or even my attempts at it. He was waiting for my heart – my worship.
As I look to the person of YAHWEH, I find the name too sacred to be spoken aloud - too holy for this world, completely just, and yet loving enough to send us His Son as the perfect atonement for my broken and sinful life.
There is no question as to His identity. He created all things, and by sending His Son to die for me and you, He established our worth before the universe so that there can be no mistake in how loved we are. YAHWEH used His strength to prove His unshakeable character and love for us before the world. Both are totally fixed and eternal. We can’t change them, and I can see now that the secret to finding this truth was in stepping out of myself and into YAHWEH. This is the cornerstone of my identity.
“And God said unto Moses, I AM THAT I AM; and He said, thus shalt thou say unto the children of Israel, I AM hath sent me unto you.” Exodus 3:14
Moses didn’t go to the Israelites because social media told him he was actually great at leadership skills, he just needed the confidence and a subscription to ‘Finding Your Inner Leader in 30 Days.’ No. Moses obeyed because YAHWEH went before him.
Abraham, one of the most faithful men in biblical history, didn’t question if God would bring a sacrifice in place of his son, Isaac. He obeyed and believed, and God provided a ram in the thicket. Abraham believed God’s character of goodness.
YAHWEH encompasses all of God’s character. In the I AM THAT I AM are the depths of Who He is—His holiness, His plan to provide for us, His love for us, His plan for a Savior, His sovereignty, His ever-presence, His power and perfection. YAHWEH reveals His completeness.
I often close my eyes and imagine a vast darkness. I envision God speaking from His mouth the whole galaxies, stars, moons, sun, earth, and life into existence, and I wonder at how small I am in comparison. It’s amazing to me that God chose to know us so intimately.
Share your personal reflection on the name of God Yahweh in the comments.
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