How the Resurrection Impacts Mamas Whove Lost

How the Resurrection Impacts Mamas Who’ve Lost

4/4/2023

I recall standing over my #baby’s fresh grave. #Tears streamed down my face. Waves of #grief welled up inside. I laid carefully-picked blue and white flowers down and looked up to the same colored sky. This #pain is too great! #Jesus, come quickly! So often, our reaction to pain is for Jesus to take us out of it. But what if He doesn’t? Where is #hope if not found in relief? Hope is in Jesus. He is the One who endured unimaginable pain and conquered #death so we could have life and hope. #grief

I remember standing over my baby boy’s fresh grave. Tears streamed down my face as waves of grief welled up inside me, about to explode through my chest as great sobs.

I laid the carefully-picked blue and white flowers down and looked up through the trees to the same colored sky.

This pain is too great! Jesus, come quickly!

So often my reaction to pain is for Jesus to take me out of it. But what if He doesn’t? (which is typically the case) Where is hope if not found in relief?

My hope is in Jesus. He is the One who endured unimaginable pain and then conquered death so we could have life and hope no matter the pain or death we experience.

I don’t say this lightly. It’s been almost a decade since my son left my arms to be with Jesus. I remember it all like it was yesterday.

You can read more of my story and grief processing on my blog here.

How does this verse apply to such deep pain?

“I [Jesus] came that they may have life and have it abundantly.” John 10:10

I didn’t feel like I had abundant life. My baby didn’t have abundant life. So what is Jesus talking about?

Two things come to mind:

Look at the context.
Verse 11 says, “I am the Good Shepherd. The Good Shepherd lays down His life for the sheep.”

So the abundant life Jesus offers must be different in some way than the life we’re experiencing now. We know this because He talks about His death—the thing that ends our current life. His death is connected to abundant life. This makes me think of point 2.
New abundant life is connected to unstealable joy.
Take a look at John 16:20-22 with me. “Truly, truly, I say to you, you will weep and lament, but the world will rejoice.”

Mamas who’ve lost, don’t we know it? Maybe you feel like you’ve “done everything right” yet you’re the one who’s lost a baby. But that mama over there, who seems to care nothing for her life, or her baby’s, let alone her relationship with God gets blessed with a baby who’s alive and healthy.

“You will be sorrowful, but your sorrow will turn into joy.”

Wait.. what? Is there some overpromising going on here? (Just being honest)

“When a woman is giving birth, she has sorrow because her hour has come, but when she has delivered the baby, she no longer remembers the anguish, for joy that a human being has been born into the world.”

Maybe, like me, you hadn’t experienced a birth with joy before you experienced loss. So maybe, like me, this verse feels unrelatable. But the truth is that even if sorrow overshadows all joy, there is still a small presence of joy when you get to see your baby’s face for the first time. Even if it’s nothing like what you hoped or dreamed.

“So also you have sorrow now, but I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you.”

Ah! Here’s the connection!

It sounds like Jesus is talking about how His friends will sorrow now—they’re about to see Him take on the sin and brokenness of the whole world and then die. And it sounds like Jesus is also talking about His resurrection—“I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice.”

So… (just processing this through as I write) Jesus’ friends will sorrow so so deeply. But then Jesus rising from the dead and all that that means will be so impactful and life-changing that their joy will overshadow—maybe even push out completely—the sorrow they felt.

That joy must be pretty incredible!

So what is the catalyst for this joy?

Is it because Jesus says that when they see Him again, He’ll have a good gift for them?
Is it because Jesus says He will remove pain and brokenness from our current lives?

No. Jesus doesn’t say that.

The cause of this joy is Jesus Himself.

Seeing Him—His scars, His eyes.
Touching Him—knowing that He really did rise again, not out of body, but in His body.
Hearing Him—His words of power, His words that spoke life in the beginning (Genesis 1:1, John 1:1) and speak life today (Hebrews 1:3, John 11:43).

Is this the kind of joy your soul longs for?

Yes, girl! Me too! And, by God’s grace, this has been something I’ve experienced and share with others through New Mercy Moms.

At New Mercy Moms we empower mamas who’ve lost to find hope and healing in Jesus.

Does this sound like you or a mama you know and want to support through her loss?

I created a guide just for you.

Grieve Well—My 5 Steps For Godly Grief After Miscarriage or Infant Loss

It’s a simple guide of steps that have been game-changers for me personally and for the women I’ve counseled over the years.

Sign up for New Mercy Moms email updates and you’ll receive it straight to your inbox.

And while you can definitely follow New Mercy Moms on Instagram and Facebook, and we'd love that, I highly recommend subscribing via email if you don’t want to miss a thing. You’ll receive simple, yet practical resources to help you find hope and healing wherever you are on your grief journey.

Did you sign up yet?

See you in your inbox soon!

Soli Deo Gloria,

If you know a mom who has suffered the loss of a child, I hope you will share this helpful resource with them. Give them the opportunity to sign up for email updates from New Mercy Moms and follow them on Instagram and Facebook.

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17 Comments

Debbie W. Wilson link

4/4/2023 09:58:42 am

"So often my reaction to pain is for Jesus to take me out of it." Oh yes. I appreciate this honest, heart-felt post. Pain causes us to wrestle with what we thought we knew. Thankfully, those who wrestle with God, like Jacob, come out blessed on the other side, even if they're left with a limp.

Kathy Clum link

4/13/2023 09:08:56 am

Debbie, I love that reminder of wrestling with God and being blessed. I never thought of it like that before. Thank you for sharing!

Maryleigh link

4/4/2023 02:21:14 pm

One of my very favorite books is The Insanity of God - it really speaks into a mama's loss - and so many losses. The devil persecutes God's children. Persecution looks like cancer, addiction, the loss of a child (at all stages of life). In TIOG, Ripkin says, "After every crucifixion, comes resurrection." The book deals with how Christianity thrives in persecution. I am so glad that when we cannot make our own joy in our sorrows, that we can find it in Him. Thank you for your post today - for all those mama's needing lifting up in these hard places.

Lisa Blair link

4/4/2023 05:03:06 pm

I'm so sad for your loss. Sending you a big hug! Thank you for your vulnerability in loss and your willingness to comfort others following behind you who are also suffering loss. I four little ones in heaven, and I am at a place of peace that they behold His face.

4/13/2023 12:07:08 pm

Oh Lisa, having 1 in heaven is so hard. I can’t imagine 4! Praise God for bringing you to a place of peace. What do you feel was one of the most helpful things in getting there?

Tea With Jennifer link

4/4/2023 06:16:32 pm

Thank you for sharing your journey of loss Kathy. To lose a child at any age is a devastating thing, I know that loss as I lost my daughter Candy & my only son Benjamin to stillbirths within a year of each other.

But God’s comfort & strength was all encompassing in the years since & I know where they are & look forward to spending eternity with them.
Blessings to you, Jennifer

4/13/2023 12:11:22 pm

Jennifer, that is so incredibly hard to lose 2 within a year. The pain is so deep. But it shows the immensity of God’s comfort and strength to be able to help you through that and since.

Tammy L Kennington link

4/4/2023 09:18:36 pm

I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing what you've learned. I have a couple of children who have walked through mental health struggles and we've grappled with the grief of lost dreams and fears of suicide. But I know you're right--New abundant life is connected to unstealable joy. And that joy is in Him!

4/13/2023 12:15:43 pm

I have a dear friend who’s child has a disability and she was one of the few people who really knew how to be with me in my pain and really empathize. You are totally right - moms can experience deep loss and grieve for a lifetime whether it’s lost hopes and dreams or lost life. All are extremely hard. We all need Jesus so much.

Joanne Viola link

4/5/2023 07:58:28 am

I am so sorry for your loss. Your transparency is sure to be both an encouragement and a help to those who experience such loss as well. I am so grateful Jesus steps into our pain with us and brings hope even as we process the grief. Blessings to you!

4/13/2023 12:16:41 pm

Thank you, Joanne. To God be the glory!

Donna Reidland link

4/8/2023 01:38:56 pm

We all want to avoid pain when we can but God often does his greatest work in us during those times when we must cling to Him. Thanks for helping us better understand these truths.

4/13/2023 12:17:48 pm

Thank you, Donna. To God be the glory!

Lisa notes link

4/12/2023 12:15:30 pm

Having also lost a child, I appreciate what you're sharing here, Kathy. It took me awhile to find my joy again, and even then, it was tempered with the reality that bad things can happen to anyone, at anytime. But knowing I'll not be alone in whatever next hard thing happens has helped me.

4/13/2023 12:22:34 pm

Hi Lisa, Thank you for sharing that not being alone has helped you with your loss. It’s so hard, but Praise the Lord! That truth really helped carry my husband through (and still does). For me, that didn’t help me as much. But it was because I didn’t know why God’s presence made such a difference. Learning who God is helped me realize that his presence is my greatest treasure.

Paula Short link

4/16/2023 10:44:46 am

Kathy, I'm so sorry for your loss. I appreciate your transparency and vulnerability here. This touched my soul today
Thank you for sharing this with Sweet Tea & Friends this month sweet friend.

Patsy Burnette link

1/28/2024 02:22:53 pm

I appreciate your kind words, Paula. The journey of grief can be challenging, and expressing our thoughts and emotions can be a step of healing.Thank you for your continued support.

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