Heather's Story: I Will Hope in Him (Part 3)

“But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. ‘The Lord is my portion,’ says my soul, ‘therefore, I will hope in Him.’ The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the soul who seeks Him.” Lamentations 3:21-25 ​

My friend Heather has graciously allowed me to share her story in a four-part blog post series title Heather’s Story: I will hope in Him. As you read the lines of this post you will see that this is really more God’s story than it is Heather’s. It is raw and gripping, and still being written. However, her journal entries are so encouraging for anyone who is in the deep, deep well of grief. This season has just begun for Heather and her sweet family, but they have hope. They live hope. They express hope. 

They KNOW HOPE! As she shares her journey with you here today, don’t focus on the grief and pain, focus on the eternal hope! ​

​Read part 1 of Heather's Story: I Will Hope in Him here, and part 2  here.

​March 30 at 7:33 AM
God’s mercies are new every day. Thankful for a good night’s sleep! Peace and hope fill my heart this morning. We planned a spring break trip before Riley passed away so we have decided to still go. Time to pack some suitcase.
 
March 30 at 8:35 PM
Today was much better! There is, and always will be, a sadness in our hearts but we are doing our best to move forward. We are working on creating new family memories. We had some silly laughs, a few cries together, but all in all just enjoyed each other today. We push each other to choose joy even when we don’t feel like it. We routinely ask each other "are you okay?" Truly the Lord gives us exactly what we need daily. We are learning to keep our eyes on Him despite the heartbreak. 

​Being surrounded by so many who are praying, encouraging, calling, texting, sending cards, emailing, etc. reminds us that we are not alone. I absolutely know God is and will continue to use this for His glory. I believe we will also find joy again. We are learning to love Riley enough to let her go. She is home in Heaven and we will see her again. But in our time here on earth we must keep living. Step by step. Day by day.

March 31 at 9:45 PM
This morning, after a good cry and morning devotions, we felt a very calming peace in our hearts. Truly something we have never experienced before, and we believe it is simply God’s grace to us for today. 

We enjoyed some good seafood and shopping. The weather is cold and rainy. While shopping today we walked into a store where I frequently shop for the girls. My eyes fell on two particular sets of pajamas Riley had. I completely lost it. I miss her so much! Needless to say, we left there quickly. I got myself back together. 

Riley's big sister is really missing her too! She talks often of the things they did together. They really loved each other so much. She wanted to look through pictures of Riley, and we did. I honestly have no idea how to help her with her grief because I am just trying to process my own. 

My husband seems to have the hardest time in the mornings. We all continue to trust the Lord in our heartbreak. When we are struggling during the day, we each find comfort in reading the Bible and reminding ourselves of God’s promises. We sincerely appreciate your prayers and words of encouragement. Despite our sorrow, Jesus has not left us and has provided for every one of our needs. We are clinging to Him and He is carrying us, day by day!

April 1 at 11:28 AM
Our morning devotions today remind us that every single person alive is facing some sort of battle. I hope this helps your heart today. (I Peter 1:8)

"Though you have not seen Him, you love Him. Though you do not now see Him, you believe in Him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory," I Peter 1:8

April 1 at 10:04 PM
Today was a good day. We are very thankful that both of our parents have come to the beach to spend time with us. It helps to have people with us as we face so many firsts and figure out how to live again. We miss Riley so very much. It is hard to not feel guilty when we have a good day. I do believe that it is God’s mercy that allows us a good day and honestly, we need good days! We are daily focusing on choosing joy, trusting God, and pushing on. We encourage anyone who is facing a battle (let’s face it, we all have battles to face) to truly trust Jesus. He has been our anchor and hope in this heartbreak. ​​

“Be gracious to me, O Lord, for I am in distress; my eyes are wasted from grief; my soul and my body also.” Psalm 31:9

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April 3 at 10:13 AM
I miss Riley! This morning, I could hear her calling over and over in my mind “mommy, mommy.” BUT I rest knowing she is with Jesus. We have hope! Our separation from her is not forever. I am promised that we will be reunited in Heaven one day. What a day that will be!

​My devotions this morning focused on Isaiah 55:8-11, and it reminds me that His ways are higher than my ways and His thoughts higher than my thoughts.

"For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts.

​'For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven and do not return there but water the earth, making it bring forth and sprout, giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater, so shall My Word be that goes out from My mouth; it shall not return to Me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose, and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it." ​Isaiah 55:8-11 ​

I absolutely do not understand His ways in this situation. Trusting Jesus is hard, but oh how I feel His presence! Jesus is so near. My faith has strengthened. I desperately want to reflect Jesus and His goodness, hope, and peace. I want others to know Jesus and His kindness. I pray that He will continue to restore my soul.

We are doing well. Many tears, many memories, many questions, but we are strengthened as a family in a number of ways. We plan to soak up the sun on the beach today. We are praying specifically that my credentialing process will be complete very soon so that I can start training at the end of this month. Idleness is a challenge for me and going back to work will absolutely help. We want to grieve in a heathy manner. We don’t want to run from it, but having a new normal schedule we believe will help the healing process. We love each of you and are so thankful for your support!

April 4 at 11:40 AM (from my husband)
An excerpt from "Safe in the Arms of God" by John MacArthur, it was written by a father who lost his infant son:

​"God's will in suffering is often veiled in mystery. We rejoice that He allowed us to perceive the good that was wrought through Ryan's brief life. I came face-to-face with these unalterable truths:

​First, I came face-to-face with the reality that God alone is sovereign. I am not. He controls every aspect of my future—from our family's health to our standard of living. I do not. As a man, it was easy to succumb to the 'myth of control' and a sense of exaggerated importance. Any integrity, intellect, determination, creativity, or persuasion on my part, however, could not dictate an outcome here. I had no control. God did.

Second, Christ and His Word are sufficient. As the psalmist promised, 'In God's presence is fullness of joy.' His Word and its promises are reliable. While our faith was tested, our heavenly Father was found faithful. His grace proved sufficient. In our weakness His love and peace enveloped us. The mind of Christ kept any root of bitterness or self-pity from undermining our communion with God or each other. Any peace or strength we displayed were only a function of God's grace in our life. We were cradled by our great God of comfort.
 
Third, this trial enabled us to experience the unbridled love of the body of Christ. The perspective, presence, and love of our pastor and Christian friends touched us deeply. We were loved in many tangible ways. To our great joy this did not go unnoticed by our unsaved friends and family members.

Forth, the gospel was advanced because of Ryan's life. God's love and 'His peace which surpasses all understanding' were real and on display. This gave us comfort as Ryan's death provided a platform to share God's truth and love. The gospel message was clearly presented at Ryan's memorial service and in many intimate conversations.
 
And Finally, heaven is more real to us. Heaven is not a vague concept or mysterious destination anymore. We long for that day of communion with Christ and reunion with Ryan." —John MacArthur, Safe in the Arms of God

While this father was a couple of years removed from his son's death when he wrote this, we can say that we are experiencing these same truths.

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Safe in the Arms of God

​"'Is my baby in heaven?' This is the most important question a grieving parent can ask. And even if the little one is someone else's child, the issue remains: What happens to children, those unborn, stillborn, or youngsters, when they die? Can you hope to see them again? Can you let go of your fear and guilt? Can God's love soothe a wound so jagged?

With scriptural authority and the warmth of a pastor's heart, bestselling author John MacArthur examines the breadth of the entire Bible and reveals in this compelling book the heavenly Father's care for every life.
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'I have sat by the grave of our daughter and son and wondered out loud if my belief that Hope and Gabriel are in heaven has any solid scriptural support. John MacArthur offers truth from God's Word that puts the doubts of any grieving parent to rest. Safe in the Arms of God reveals that confidence of heaven for the child you love is based on much more than mere sentimentality; it is revealed in the Word of God and reflective of the very heart of God.'" —Nancy Guthrie, author of Holding On to Hope

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​April 4 at 10:24 PM
Today has been an incredibly difficult day for all three of us. We absolutely know Jesus is carrying us and has not left us. We continue to be ministered to in a variety of different ways. We are both humbled and grateful. However, grief is intensely painful and must be sorted through. We must grieve to heal. We are learning so much. Trusting and clinging to Jesus when we are so broken. We are choosing joy even when it feels fake. “Through this storm He is Lord, Lord of all!”

April 5 at 9:21 PM
We are home! Coming home was sad but comforting at the same time. We both agree we have moved from being in complete shock to a deep sadness. Our sadness is not a desperate sadness. We just miss our Riley and our earthly separation from her is painful. We will see her again.

​We came home to beautiful flowers from the girl’s dentist, a huge stack of cards, several frozen meals, and the list goes on.... We have been loved on by so many! We are so thankful for your kind words of encouragement and sweet reminders from the Bible. We have so many sweet cards that we have decided to pick one card out of the basket every day and reflect on the verses and thoughts in each of them. Riley's big sister is doing okay. She was overjoyed to be able to spend the night with her cousins. We are so thankful for our family and friends and what you all mean to us. We love you all!

April 7 at 12:07 PM

"We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed." II Corinthians 4:8-9

"We do not know what to do, but our eyes are upon You. 'Do not be afraid or discouraged.... for the battle is not yours, but God's.' " II Chronicles 20:12b, 15b

These verses describe us perfectly! They remind me that the battle is not ours.

My husband developed a fever yesterday. I took him to urgent care and they sent us to the ER for dehydration and pneumonia. He was a pretty sick guy! We are back home and he is feeling much better today. I am not sure how much more we can take. I am praying that we can all begin healing physically and emotionally starting today. I am so thankful for friends who help calm my fearful heart. I promise I won’t always panic when one of us gets sick. It was hard going back to the ER so soon after having to take our sweet Riley there. Thank you for understanding and being so very, very kind to us! ​

“O give thanks to the Lord for He is good!” Psalm 136:1

I love this idea that Heather has. "We have so many sweet cards that we have decided to pick one card out of the basket every day and reflect on the verses and thoughts in each of them."

​I also love the John MacArthur book, Safe in the Arms of God, that her husband introduced us to in this part of their story.

Do you know someone who is grieving? Send a card. Send a book. Share this post with them.