InstaEncouragements Building a worldwide online community of encouragers encouraging others in the faith of Jesus Christ. Join the movement!
  • Home
    • About
    • Contact
    • Etsy Shop
    • Library >
      • Bible Emergency Numbers
      • LOVE Coupons
      • Christmas Songbook
      • Character Trait Worksheet
      • The Red Sea Rules
      • The Heart That Heals Printable Package
      • 12 Letters I Wrote
      • 16 Names of God
      • Praying Proverbs
      • Come and Gather
      • Bible Reading Plan
      • Disciple Me Program
    • Christianity
    • Bible Study >
      • 14 Things God’s Love Letter Says About You
      • A Journey of Worship
      • The ABCs of God's Love Letter
      • She Loves Truth
      • Hey Mama! PRAY
      • 52 Days in Psalms
      • 10 Weeks in the New Testament
      • 2 Months in The Pentateuch
      • 12 Minor Prophets
      • 3 Biblical Statements
      • 7 Books of Faith
      • 4 Major Prophets
  • Blog
    • Guest Bloggers
    • IE Link-up
    • Praying Proverbs
    • Jordan River Rules
    • Choosing Gratitude
    • Aging With Grace
    • Seeking Him
    • She Loves Truth
    • Red Sea Rules
  • Come & Dwell
  • The Heart That Heals
    • The Heart That Heals Media Package
  • Sweeter Than Honey
    • Sweeter Than Honey Media Package
  • 16 Names of God
    • 16 Names of God Media Package
TDGC shop the sale

​From Tongue Up to Tongue Down & all the in Between

2/14/2020

14 Comments

 
​From Tongue Up to Tongue Down and All the Heartache in Between
Sometimes I feel like my tongue has a mind of its own. No matter what truth about God I’m meditating on that day, or how much grace I have to be thankful for in my own life that week, I always find it monstrously difficult to hold my tongue still when people and circumstances give it an opportunity to dance. After all, I’m entitled to my opinions. Expressing what I know and feel about other people falls under free speech, right? ​It can be so liberating—so gratifying to allow my words to flow uninhibited. ​

And then I sit down to read God’s Word and my overindulged tongue begins to stumble over the words of the Psalmist declaring: ​ 
​
"Lord, who shall abide in Thy tabernacle? Who shall dwell in Thy holy hill [...] he that backbiteth not with his tongue, nor doeth evil to his neighbor, nor taketh up a reproach against his neighbor." Psalm 15:1,3
TDGC logo
TDGC Bible studies banner

Ouch

But surely, some “neighbors” deserve a reproach:
  • The customer at work who threw a credit card in my face
  • The friend who chose to believe a lie about me
  • The person in my life that everyone likes because they don’t know what they’re really like ​ ​
Then there are those people who should understand that their chosen positions make them free game for a little bit of everyone’s opinion: ​
  • The teacher that has no idea how to be interesting
  • The boss that treats employees unfairly
  • The church leader who fails to shepherd perfectly​​
​Why then, can my tongue not make it through Ephesians 4:29 without conviction slowing it down?
“Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.” 
Could my tongue be described as a “minister of grace?” Are the things I say true? Usually. Are they necessary? In the heat of my anger and feelings of injustice, I sometimes convince myself that they are necessary. Do they minister grace to the people who hear them? Rarely. 

We have all heard the sermons cautioning "be careful little lips what you say." An admonition on gossip isn't a new concept to any of us who frequently attend church. Lately, though, I’ve been realizing how many of my words cannot be described as “edifying” or “ministering grace.” In fact, a lot of my words are the complete opposite of grace.

All of us spend each day speaking words that we can never unspeak. These words represent who we are to the people around us. Our own words define us. As Christians, they show the world who our God is. Do your unsaved coworkers see God as a minister of grace or as a corrupt backbiter casting shadows of reproach? 
​​

When in Doubt, Don't Say It

You'd be surprised how much you can say just by keeping your mouth shut. God’s work of conviction in my heart has forced me to evaluate the words coming out of my mouth in all kinds of different situations, and I have found that much guilt and regret can be avoided by simply choosing to say nothing. 
​
Psalm 34:13 tells the reader, ​
“Keep thy tongue from evil, and thy lips from speaking guile.”
We can be ministers of grace to others by what we don’t say as well as by what we say. Most of us are a little too used to our freedom of speech to just let our mouths say the first thing our minds think. Remember that “The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked” (Jeremiah 17:9a). In the passion or carelessness of the moment, our hearts can easily lead us to say something that does not reflect God’s grace. 
If you aren’t sure that the words about to come out will be gracious, just don’t say them. Silence is not weakness. It can be a mature, deliberate, and difficult choice to keep ourselves from selfishly maligning God’s reputation. Remember, God has shown you more grace than you will ever have to show that person who has wronged you or in some way seems inferior to you. Swallow the pride that makes you want to show everyone how much better you are than that person. Remember how Jesus treats sinners. Represent. ​

​Good Intentions Don't Prevent Bad Consequences

We often justify the slanderous stories or information we share with others. We think they have the right to know since their children also have that teacher, their husbands also know that woman, or their mothers also attend that church. There is a fine line, though, between warning someone of a person or place that may be harmful to their family and sharing stories that may needlessly harm another person’s reputation. 

​My dad tells a story about a preacher who kept a feather pillow in his office. This pillow occasionally had to be replaced, but no one knew its purpose. One day, a member of the congregation became privy to the puzzle when she confessed her sinful gossip habit to the pastor, promising to do whatever it took to make amends for her sin. The pastor grabbed the pillow, took out his pocket knife, and cut a large slit in one end. "To how many people have you gossiped about this person?" the pastor asked. She thought about it and replied that she had spoken to six people. The pastor instructed her to take the pillow and deposit a handful of feathers on the front lawn of each person, and then to return to see him the following day. Having faithfully complied, the woman returned to his office, where he gave her one more task. "
Now, go and collect the feathers you've dispersed and return my pillow to me whole." ​

​Obviously, the last task the pastor gave this woman was an impossible one, but it serves as a valuable lesson about gossiping. Sin can be forgiven, but the making amends part—that's a feather pillow. We can never unsay words that are spoken. We can apologize and be granted forgiveness, but the damage to that person's reputation, the hurt that person feels, and the way we have damaged our own reputation as recipients of God's grace cannot be magically removed. ​​​

Remember the Golden Rule

We have all known since we were children to treat others as we want them to treat us, but sometimes we forget that this is not just advice, this is a commandment from the Bible: ​
“Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets.” Matthew 7:12
When applied to our words, this principle is quite simple. If you wouldn’t want someone else saying it about you, chances are you know and the person you’re telling knows that you’re gossiping. Just because something might be true doesn’t mean that person would want you to share it with someone else, no matter how much you feel entitled to. Once again, remember God’s grace to you. Show that grace to another imperfect human.

Be Especially Guarded in Your Speech about Fellow Believers

Just last Sunday, my pastor described how the New Testament church functioned as a family who took care of each other. This behavior, in our world, is not natural. It is natural to act out of self-interest. A community of people who serve, love, and care for each other in their speech as well as their actions is a powerful testimony. This testimony is what attracted the New Testament people to the gospel, and it is still what God uses to draw people today. 
As believers, we have the responsibility to rebuke each other directly, not to spread the word about somebody's wrongdoing until everyone else knows. As my pastor said, we should not be "harsh on brothers and sisters in Christ under the same grace as we are." We cannot be unified if our words divide us. In John 17:21, Jesus prays to the Father:
"That they all may be one; as thou, Father, art in Me, and I in Thee, that they also may be one in Us: that the world may believe that Thou hast sent Me."
Words that cause hurt, division, and disillusion within the body of Christ hamper the work of the gospel. The work of the gospel is God’s work of grace to the world. Don’t stand in the way of God’s grace because you like sharing nasty secrets about other members of the body of Christ.

In her book Control Girl, Shannon Popkin writes, ​
“Stop sharing information that will divide people. Proverbs 16:28 says, ‘A whisperer separates close friends.’ A woman with a pure, untwisted heart works to fortify relationships, not damage them. She repeats the good things people say about each other. She endears them to each other. She sows seeds of peace, not discord. Sure, she still sees the unfair treatment, betrayal, and rudeness. But for the sake of relationships, she refrains from passing out grenades. Rather than using conflict to her advantage or to solicit support for her side, the woman who relinquishes control to God keeps the circle small while working through hurtful disagreements.”

Be Especially Merciful in Your Speech about Unbelievers

Remember how much you needed God’s grace when you were saved? That should really be all I need to say here. Those around us in need of God’s saving grace are not drawn closer to the gospel of Christ when Christ’s followers speak what they deserve to hear. They are used to hearing what they deserve. Everyone likes to pick out their faults and talk about them behind their backs. Be different. Be the person who speaks words of kindness that they don’t deserve.
  • Only then will they know you are different.
  • Only then will they wonder why.
  • Only then can you draw them closer to God’s grace.
  • Only then can you be a minister of God’s grace to a world he died to save.
Gossiping is one of my weaknesses—one of my daily temptations that I sometimes don't even recognize without hindsight reflection. I'm definitely not sharing these lessons because I've mastered them, but because I need help with them. We all do, if we're honest. 

So, if you come to my workplace and hear me talking badly about a coworker, don't run home and tell your husband that Cami is such a hypocrite. Be a minister of God's grace to me. Value my testimony of our God enough to come up to me and rebuke me. Rebuke me in love that I might change. This is the work of the body of Christ.
Cami
Whenever you're tempted to say something you aren't sure you should say, ask yourself:
  1. Is it true?
  2. Is it necessary?
  3. Does it minister grace? 
If you can't answer those three questions with a "yes," don't say it. It really is that simple. 

​Control Girl

Lessons on Surrendering Your Burden of Control from Seven Women in the Bible
Control Girl
Buy Now on Amazon
​Little fights with your husband and kids. Unhappiness when things don't match your version of perfect. Tension, anger, fear, anxiety—it all begins with a heart that craves control. When your perspective of how life should go replaces God's, you doom your quest for security, peace, and joy before it even starts. 

Thankfully, there is a better way.

Join Shannon as she shares what she has discovered about her own control struggles and about God from studying seven Control Girls in the Bible. Whether it was Eve's desire to know instead of trust, Sarah's inability to wait for God to move, or Rebekah's controlling hand on her family's future, each of these women's stories contain warnings and lessons for us today. 

Learn how you too can lay down this burden of trying to control everything and find rest in surrendering to the One who truly is in control.

Please Share
14 Comments
Michele Morin link
2/14/2020 08:50:43 pm

So often I have had to apologize for hasty words. I'm learning the value and the mercy of silence.

Reply
Cami
2/15/2020 09:11:43 am

Same here, Michele! This is one of the major things I’m working on in my own heart and life right now. Changing how I view the words I say to people has been changing how I see the people I’m saying them to.

Reply
Lila Diller link
2/17/2020 01:29:45 pm

I used to clam up so much that I drove my husband crazy that he didn't know what I was thinking. So I had to learn to be a little freer with my words. Now I'm in danger of going the other way, especially with my blog. It's so easy to judge others and tell them where they need to improve, as "constructive criticism." But really that's not always my motivation.

Reply
Cami
2/17/2020 03:57:49 pm

I just had a conversation this past Sunday with a dear lady who said the same thing! She said clamming up too much caused her to harbor bitterness in her heart, so she's had to work through when and what to say. I myself tend to be a very critical person, so just choosing to say nothing is often my way of relinquishing control of a person or situation to God. There is definitely a time and place when we need to say something, though, as long as it's said to edify not to tear down.

Reply
Lesley link
2/17/2020 01:38:55 pm

This is a great post! It's important to remember the impact our words can have. Even if they are true, it's sometimes best not to speak. It's good to be reminded of this and the importance of choosing our words (and whether to speak at all) carefully.

Reply
Cami
2/17/2020 04:16:30 pm

Thanks, Lesley! It is very important. I think all of us need the reminder occasionally since our conversations are such day-in-day out things that can either do a lot of harm or a lot of good. God's been convicting me so much about the words I've said recently, so this was a painful write for me.

Reply
Beth link
2/17/2020 02:01:28 pm

Oh so much to comment on regarding this post, Patsy! First of all, you are too funny with your "tongue up and tongue down" pun! Love it! And this also reminds me of a children's book I wrote (never tried to get it published) called, Big Mouth Canyon. The main character was a "tongue" (I drew the illustrations to it too!) and he was running all over the place setting fires here and there! Lol! But yes! So true to our lives. We must be very much alike because I struggle in these same ways. I guess that's why you can share so wisely what we are to do about it based on Scripture AND your father's story! I've heard that one before and it so perfectly illustrates the destructive nature of letting our tongues flap in the wind. Thanks for this encouragement. I'll be pinning and tweeting, my friend!

Reply
Cami
2/17/2020 04:20:32 pm

That's such a great idea for a children's story--and I can only imagine how entertaining those illustrations could be! I'm glad this was encouraging to you. This is a big area that God's been convicting my heart about recently. It's a daily struggle to keep my tongue from "flapping in the wind," as you put it. :-)

Reply
Elena Wiggins link
2/21/2020 07:27:59 am

What a challenging and encouraging post on the power of our words. It is a bit frightening to read the words: You can never unsay words that are spoken. What a sobering truth that should help us put a guard over our mouth. As well as your excellent point that we can be ministers of grace by both what is said and what is unsaid. This is such a practical and helpful post!

Reply
Cami
2/21/2020 10:10:03 am

I'm so glad this was an encouragement to you, Elena. This is definitely an expression of what God's working on in my life. I'm trying to minimize those words I can't unsay!

Reply
Ellen link
2/21/2020 01:10:19 pm

One of my daily prayers is Let the words of my mouth be acceptable in your sight Lord and set a watch before my lips. The Bible says so much about our tongues and mouths. Thanks for sharing this as I always need the reminder. Too often I let my tongue speak before I think and ask the Lord for wisdom and grace.

Reply
Cami
2/21/2020 02:23:20 pm

That is such a great reminder from scripture and an amazing daily prayer, Ellen! Thank you for sharing that! I think I’ll add that prayer to my own daily time with God.

Reply
Carolyn link
3/4/2020 05:37:09 am

How I relate to this post. I wrote a similar one not too long ago. Loved your simple conclusion. My word for this year is "Silence". There is so much beauty to be gained by it. Thank you for your words, that did indeed, this time, minister grace!

Reply
Cami
3/4/2020 01:00:33 pm

What a powerful word to be focused on this year, Carolyn! A powerfully hard word too. I have often found that not only does choosing silence help me not to say something I’ll regret later, but it also helps me to learn and listen.

Reply

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply.

    Patsy
    Hi friend, welcome to InstaEncouragements. I am so glad you are here. You’re among friends. You belong here. 

    How would you like access to our online library of helpful eBooks, devotionals, printables, and more? You’re going to love this library, which has all kinds of exclusive content just for you!

    Join the movement by signing up below and I'll send you the link today. And no worries, We don’t spam. Promise! We don’t like spam either.

    After you've joined the movement, hop on over to our about page to learn more about us and then to our contact form and introduce yourself so we can be on a first-name basis. I'd like that! —Patsy

    Join the movement!

    * indicates required
    Come & Dwell
    16 Names of God
    Sweeter Than Honey
    The Heart That Heals cover

    Top Posts

    16 Names of God & What They Mean
    8 Ways God Spoke to People in the Past and How He Speaks to Us Today
    12 Things the Bible Says God Knows About Us
    3 Practical Points
    ​About Prayer
    A Lesson From King Jehoshaphat
    From a Proverbs 31 Woman to a Titus 2 Woman
    16 Names of God:
    ​El Olam
    David's Second Goliath
    Honoring God by Maintaining Our
    ​Physical Health
    12 Favorite
    ​Bible Study Tools
    Artza blog banner

    Featured

    Welcome Heart
    LaurenSparks.net
    beLydia.org
    Brave Women Series
    Grace & Truth
    WORTHY Bible Studies
    Money Wise Steward
    Woman of Noble Character
    The Best Bible Study Books For Women

    Categories

    All
    16 Names Of God
    7 Biblical Feasts
    7 Things God Is Not
    ABCs Of The Bible
    Amanda
    Bible Emergency Numbers
    Bible Study
    Books We Love
    Cami
    Cancer
    Christine
    Come And Gather
    Debbie
    Elisabeth
    Evidences Of Faith
    Family Life
    Guest Post
    Hey Mama! PRAY
    Journey To The Cross
    Julie
    Kathy
    Link Ups
    Our Words Matter
    Prayer
    Printables
    Stephanie
    Summer Book Club
    Sweeter Than Honey

    Archives

    June 2025
    May 2025
    April 2025
    March 2025
    February 2025
    January 2025
    December 2024
    November 2024
    October 2024
    September 2024
    August 2024
    July 2024
    June 2024
    May 2024
    April 2024
    March 2024
    February 2024
    January 2024
    December 2023
    November 2023
    October 2023
    September 2023
    August 2023
    July 2023
    June 2023
    May 2023
    April 2023
    March 2023
    February 2023
    January 2023
    December 2022
    November 2022
    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018

InstaEncouragements participates in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a
​means for this site to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. 
This site also contains affiliate links for The Daily Grace Company, Not Consumed, and Artza.
InstaEncouragements will be compensated if you make a purchase after clicking one of these links or a link from one of our posts.
​​Privacy Policy | Disclaimer | Terms & Conditions
InstaEncouragements logo
© InstaEncouragements |2025|  all rights reserved
IE blog footer image
  • Home
    • About
    • Contact
    • Etsy Shop
    • Library >
      • Bible Emergency Numbers
      • LOVE Coupons
      • Christmas Songbook
      • Character Trait Worksheet
      • The Red Sea Rules
      • The Heart That Heals Printable Package
      • 12 Letters I Wrote
      • 16 Names of God
      • Praying Proverbs
      • Come and Gather
      • Bible Reading Plan
      • Disciple Me Program
    • Christianity
    • Bible Study >
      • 14 Things God’s Love Letter Says About You
      • A Journey of Worship
      • The ABCs of God's Love Letter
      • She Loves Truth
      • Hey Mama! PRAY
      • 52 Days in Psalms
      • 10 Weeks in the New Testament
      • 2 Months in The Pentateuch
      • 12 Minor Prophets
      • 3 Biblical Statements
      • 7 Books of Faith
      • 4 Major Prophets
  • Blog
    • Guest Bloggers
    • IE Link-up
    • Praying Proverbs
    • Jordan River Rules
    • Choosing Gratitude
    • Aging With Grace
    • Seeking Him
    • She Loves Truth
    • Red Sea Rules
  • Come & Dwell
  • The Heart That Heals
    • The Heart That Heals Media Package
  • Sweeter Than Honey
    • Sweeter Than Honey Media Package
  • 16 Names of God
    • 16 Names of God Media Package