8 Ways To Love Someone Who Doesn’t Love You Back

Have you ever felt that prickly feeling of someone’s personality bristling up against yours? It’s the worst. I was in elementary school when I realized that not everyone is going to like me. I distinctly remember writing on my workbook, Everybody hates me! Needless to say, I was a little dramatic. I think it was one girl who said something that made me upset and suddenly I felt like the whole world was against me. This scenario played out several more times in my school career, all except for the writing on the workbook part. Even into adulthood, I’ve found myself confronted with people who are difficult to love because they don’t seem to want to love me back. 

​Jesus said that we will experience rejection, as a matter of fact, we may even feel hatred from others. He certainly experienced both rejection and hatred. But, Jesus also taught in Matthew 5:43-48, 

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet your brethren only, what do you do more than others? Do not even the tax collectors do so? Therefore you shall be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect.” Matthew 5:43-48

Love. Bless. Pray.

These are the very things we don’t want to do when it comes to someone who isn’t a friend to us. However, these are the things Jesus calls us to do. How do we begin? Here are eight things you can do to help yourself love someone who doesn’t love you back.

8 Ways To Love Someone Who Doesn’t Love You Back:

1. Pray. Commit the person to the Lord. Ask Him to help you see her as He does, created in His image with a heart and soul He desires to see growing in Him. Ask God to do a work in your relationship with this person, both in her heart and in yours.
2. Seek to be a blesser not a pleaser. By nature, I tend to be a people-pleaser, which makes a difficult relationship much more stressful for me. I’ve learned over time to stop trying to please people and to start seeking ways I can be a blessing to them. When you bless someone, you aren’t looking for a response from the person. You are simply giving of yourself from the overflow of what God has given you.
3. Greet her with genuine kindness. When Jesus points to our desire to greet only those we consider to be brethren, He means those we consider to be our friends. This one made me wince a bit. My first inclination is to avoid someone who doesn’t like me. I don’t want to reach out and greet them. However, this is exactly what Jesus wants us to do. Greet her with a true kindness and concern for her well-being. Don’t hide or avoid.
4. Remember there’s always something deeper. Everyone has some issue of struggle or concern that is deeper than what we see on the outside. Keep in mind, the person who seems to be causing you problems may be trying to deal with a painful problem of their own.
5. Look for the good in her. Ask God to show you the good qualities and characteristics He is cultivating in this person. Maybe she is a master gardener and you can’t keep a cactus growing. Her ability to nurture life is a beautiful thing to admire in her.
6. Keep quiet. The most tempting thing to do when a person rubs us the wrong way is to tell someone else about it. Venting seems to somehow make us feel better, as if we are truly able to release the struggle and move on. When we do share about someone else who upsets us, all we’re really doing is bringing another person in and making things even more complicated. Maybe the person with whom you’re sharing has no problems with the other person, but as soon as you unload, she now shares the same frustration you feel. How can that make anything better?
7. Go to Jesus. When you feel the anger building up inside because of a difficult encounter or a snub by the other person, tell it to the Lord. He knows how it feels to be treated badly by people. He can sympathize, soothe your heart, and point you in the right direction.
8. Give without regret. If God prompts you to give something to a person who doesn’t seem to like you, don’t hold back. Recently, God prompted me to give a gift to someone with whom I’ve had a rocky relationship. At first, I thought of all the reasons I shouldn’t do it. But then, He made it abundantly clear that this was what He wanted me to do. So, I obeyed and it was a wonderful moment between the two of us... Just Jesus and me. I don’t know how the gift was received, and that’s not my responsibility. I just know it was a sweet time of responding to the prompting of the Lord and I trust Him for the outcome. ​

When you’ve done all these things, stay open to what God may do in your relationship to the person with whom you struggle. Remember, you can’t change the heart of any other person, but God absolutely can change the heart. Hope in Him. As you seek to live peaceably through praying, loving, and blessing someone who doesn’t love you back, you are being obedient to the Lord, and that is the most important thing. Who knows, but God may so turn the heart of the other person that the two of you may one day become the best of friends!

If you have ever had the experience of trying to love someone who doesn't love you back (haven't we all?) we'd want to hear your story! Please share in the comments below.

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Join the movement and download the 8 Ways to Love printable today!

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