4 Ways to Build Your Marriage During Social Distancing

4/14/2020

This is such a unique time in which we are living. No one could have foreseen this global COVID-19 pandemic, nor the ripple effect on economies and the daily life of people across the globe. The spread of the coronavirus and all of the related shutdowns have brought us to a stark dichotomy. While we are separating from the rest of the world through social distancing, we are spending constant time with our immediate families. In real-time, many are experiencing the opposing truths of two well-known cultural proverbs, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder” and “Familiarity breeds contempt.”

But for the Christian marriage, for the marriage that seeks to bring God great honor and reflect Christ’s relationship with the church, we have the opportunity to throw those cultural proverbs into a blender. Christian marriages can create a new proverb: “Familiarity makes the heart grow fonder.”

As God ordained our marriages, He created one flesh out of two people. And, in times like this, we have the golden opportunity to live daily as one flesh in increased ways. This begs a very important question—what can we do to build into our marriages during this time of social distancing and isolation?

Here are 4 ways you can build your marriage during social distancing:

1. Create Memories

A lack of time together often keeps us from making great memories. Work schedules, long commutes, soccer practice, dance lessons, and social obligations often limit our time with our spouses. For many of us, this pandemic has drastically changed our schedules and has opened up an unlimited amount of togetherness.

Take advantage of that opportunity by:

Packing a picnic lunch and throwing a blanket on your lawn
Make your own movie theater popcorn and watch a new movie
Share your favorite memes with one another and enjoy the gift of laughter
Take a virtual tour of a museum together

2. Catch Up on Conversations

If your marriage is anything like mine, there are important topics that can get bumped down the to-do list. This is a perfect time to catch up.

Create a list of all of the things you need to discuss:

Important and mundane
Heavy and light
Personal and family-related

Then pick a time of the day or a day of the week and gradually work through the list. If you don’t complete a conversation, that’s okay. You have tomorrow or next week to continue. You’ll be amazed at the growth God creates in your marriage when you discuss the things you’ve put off for weeks, months, or years. As both husband and wife earnestly desire to please God in these conversations, you’ll find more than sufficient grace from above to be make these times constructive.

For this idea in particular, you’ll find helpful tips in this book: With These Words: Five Communication Tools for Marriage and Life. It will provide help and guidance as you catch up on conversations.

3. Learn Together

Find some common areas of interest and learn something new.

Read a book together on the topic or watch a related YouTube video or listen to a podcast.
Also consider areas of your walk with Christ where you can learn together.
Maybe you’ve heard your pastor share a number of quotes from an author you found helpful. This is a great time to get one of their books and read it.
Perhaps you want to grow as a couple in a specific spiritual discipline, or joy, or contentment, or evangelism. Get recommendations for a resource from your pastor or a trusted friend and get busy learning side-by-side.

4. Develop a Routine

Most of us are finding our daily routines entirely disrupted.

Employees are working from home.
Homemakers now have a spouse in the house all of the time.
The kids are not going out of the home for school and they're always underfoot.

This can all result in a lack of order that can quickly generate anxiety and conflict.
To combat this tendency, create a routine.

Create a daily or weekly schedule for your new reality.
Set aside specific time for your kids and specific time for your spouse.
Keep a normal wake time and normal bedtime.

Each of these practical rhythms can serve to establish a sense of normalcy and healthy relational habits.

Think Creatively

Some of these ideas will be more useful to you than others, depending on your individual situation. Use these suggestions to spur on your own creative thinking. We know that God desires us to cherish our spouse in all seasons and to grow together in Christlikeness. Hidden within this global pandemic are boundless opportunities to do that. Don’t miss them! Seize the opportunities of this unique season and come out of this crisis stronger and healthier as a married couple.

Every couple knows they need to talk with each other. Every couple knows they need to pay attention and communicate better.

This practical marriage resource by pastor and author Rob Flood not only explores why couples should grow in communication, but it also addresses the how-to of communication.

With These Words offers in-depth, theologically-rich tools that will also help relationships flourish outside your marriage, like the relationship you have with your kids, friends, and coworkers.

In this Scripture-based marriage book, you will learn that God is for you and on your side as you press toward helpful, biblical communication based on His values.

In the face of many emotions and obstacles, there is a clear purpose and a clear method for our words. Flood shares how we can retain our unique personality, remaining as God made us while honoring Him with our words.

About the Author

Rob Flood serves as a Community and Care Pastor at Covenant Fellowship Church in Glen Mills, PA where his responsibilities include marriage ministry and counseling. The Floods have six children who provide an array of excitement in the home through their varied giftings and personalities. Together, Rob and Gina enjoy caring for married couples of all ages by opening the Word of God and spending time with family and friends. With These Words is Rob's first book.

Thanks for joining the InstaEncouragements weekly Christian link-up! We would really appreciate it if you would grab this IE link-up button, place it on your blog, and link back to this post. Thanks! Have an awesome week!

If you're new to link-ups, checkout our IE LINK-UP page for a brief explanation and a list of other link-ups to participate in.

If you've read With These Words by Rob Flood, I'd love to know what you thought and how it impacted your marriage.

26 Comments

Michele Morin link

4/14/2020 09:13:28 am

I am so plugged in to the importance of using this time of sheltering at home in productve ways, but I don't want to miss the opportunity to build into those all important closest relationships of all. Thank you for this little nudge--I'm taking it to heart!

Patsy Burnette link

4/14/2020 06:52:46 pm

It's really been a great time for us here! (I know it's not for everyone, and I feel bad about that.) I'm trying to make it a constructive time and not waste the opportunity.

Barbara Harper link

4/14/2020 09:16:38 am

These are great tips. I see people talking online about having more time available, but for homemakers, our time is disrupted with everyone home. I'm trusting God for grace to adjust to different routines and to be open to others when my flesh wants to do its own thing.

4/14/2020 06:58:12 pm

It's such a unique time, Barbara, in so many ways. I pray that I will use it the way God planned and seek opportunities to be a blessing to others where I can. But I certainly can understand the disrupted schedules and the frustration of that. But, WoW! What an opportunity!

Debbie Wilson link

4/14/2020 09:25:54 am

Great ideas. I liked the keep normal wake and sleep times. We tend to stay up later when we don't have to be out the door early.

4/14/2020 07:01:37 pm

Yes, Debbie, with schedules so mixed up it's important we keep as much normalcy as possible. That's one thing we can probably control.

Laurie link

4/14/2020 10:27:31 am

Wonderful ideas, Patsy. Bill and I are both retired so our day-to-day lives have not changes that much. We are home together most of the time anyway. Thank goodness we kind of like each other or we would be miserable! I love your ideas for learning together. I think we will give some of them a try. If I approached Bill with a list of topics for conversation, though, I think he would run and hide! :)

4/14/2020 07:07:08 pm

LOL, that's funny, Laurie! :) Liking each other makes things a lot more pleasant! I like trying new things together. I love a good challenge!

Susan Shipe link

4/14/2020 04:08:36 pm

We've been married 37 years and still like each other so we must do something right!!!

4/14/2020 07:08:04 pm

37 years, Susan! What a blessing!

Lisa notes link

4/15/2020 07:59:30 am

These are great tips. I keep making tweaks to help our marriage specifically during this season because it is a shaky time. We've begun nightly walks after dinner, for one, and last night we started using the Card Decks app from the Gottman Institute for fun questions to ask each other. It's not something we'll do every night but even a few times a week will be good.

4/15/2020 06:05:40 pm

Lisa, I love the nightly walks! My hubs and I do more serious talking while walking than any other time. I'm not sure why, but it works! We also used a card game like you mention once and I loved it. It opened up unique conversations and we actually learned stuff about each other that we didn't already know—and we've been married almost 40 years! LOL Thanks for reminded me about the cards and walks. Both of those are excellent ideas!

Carolyn link

4/15/2020 12:04:05 pm

It has been a rough patch for us. I used to think we'd never run out of things to talk about but now it feels like we put the kids to bed and spend the evening in awkward, icy silence. He says he is trying to "let me talk"... but when am on the spot to say something, there's absolutely nothing comfortable or natural about that, especially when his responses are monosylabic grunts. I'm missing the fun, the smiling, the friendship. its just a tired season... prayers appreciated.

4/15/2020 06:10:18 pm

Carolyn, I saw your comment about lunchtime, but I was at work and couldn't reply then. I want you to know that I have been praying for you and your hubs all afternoon, and will continue to pray for you both. Marriage can be stressful at any time, but during this crazy time we're living in now that's multiplied for many, I'm sure! Hang in there! Don't give up! Maybe try the card came like Lisa mentioned above. :)

Lauren Renee Sparks link

4/15/2020 02:40:47 pm

You mean I'm not supposed to be distancing from my husband? I'm just kidding. These are great suggestions.

4/15/2020 06:11:05 pm

Lauren, LOL, you're so funny! Thanks!

sue link

4/15/2020 06:33:39 pm

I was in a snit the other day - lasted 24 hours...figured out we needed to get alone away from the adult children who are darling but here now. again. So a date is on the weekend calendar. I told him I would plan it and he would pay for it. I think he was just glad I was no longer snarling. Tweeted.

4/16/2020 06:27:11 am

Su, I cannot imagine YOU in a snit! Especially, a 24-hour snit! LOL A date sounds wonderful. :) A little more difficult to do these days, but wonderful! Let those adult children fend for themselves!

Michelle @ Moms Are Frugal link

4/15/2020 11:23:47 pm

This was a really great post. We have been reading a book together, working on a parenting DVD from Paul Tripp, and taking YouTube dancing lessons. My husband surprised me with a cheesecake dessert for our date night at home.
It has been fun and nice to have this one on one time. Prior to the quarantine our date nights were fewer due to kids, schedules and sports. Thank you for reminding me of a Christ centered marriage.

4/16/2020 06:29:43 am

I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE Paul Tripp's wisdom!! He and Bob Goff both seem to just have a unique wisdom about life that help us see what is really important. Cheesecake is my favorite! :)

Joanne

4/16/2020 06:57:49 pm

These are great suggestions. I have homeschooled my boys for years and years at this point and I know what great memories we can build when we spend intentional time together. My husband is still working (and more hours than ever) so he's missing out on most of our day to day fun but we do try to make the most of those times he is around. Thank you so much for sharing with us at Encouraging Hearts and Home. Pinned

4/17/2020 05:12:52 am

We are both back to work here in Atlanta, Joanne, and I kind of wish we weren't. My hubs is working reduced hours for the next three months, but I am full-on as many hours as I can work, at least through June. I enjoy our time together when we're both home!

Angela Johnson link

4/16/2020 10:14:26 pm

Patsy, you hit the nail on the head with this one. I have written about some of the same things. I fear that some marriages will struggle because of this new norm, and I pray that God will help us to help them. Pinning and Sharing!

4/17/2020 05:14:05 am

Thanks, Angela! I'm sure some do struggle. I hope this helps them. :)

Betty link

4/17/2020 07:08:14 am

Great tips Patsy, and thoughtful too because most couples especially those forced to work from home during this period are not used to being in each others faces for this amount of time.

4/17/2020 07:17:36 am

Yeah, being in each other's faces for this amount of time can be a good thing or a bad thing. I hope, for most, it's a good thing. And for those who struggle, I hope they can make it work and come out of this ahead with a stronger relationship.

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.