12 Ways to Help Your Teen Love God More

Why is it that some teens are so obedient and others are not? You may even find this to be true with teens in the same household. Teens raised the same way, by the same parents, can turn out dramatically different. We have experience this in our family. You may have experienced it in yours as well.
 
How can we account for the sacrifficialness of Ruth, who willingly gave up her own future, and Isaac, who was willing to give up his life? What can we do to have our teens willingly obey without nagging and threaten? The key, I believe, is in helping our teens love God more. Loving God is at the root of obedience.
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Ephesians 6:4 tells us:

“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”

Fathers are responsible for the training of their children, even if they aren’t with the child as much as the mother. Fathers are ultimately responsible before God for the whole family. The wife is under the husband’s authority, and she implements what they decide together. Still though, the father is the leader with oversight and responsibility to God.
 
Provoke means to not exasperate. It’s the command given to us as parents in Ephesians 6:4. That means don’t frustrate your teen with too high expectations, criticism without love, withholding love, inconsistency, rejection, over-burdening them with rules and regulations, expecting too much— expecting perfection, overprotecting, spoiling, being overly permissive or too severe.

“Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.” Proverbs 13:24

Teens need to feel loved and secure. In the absence of discipline, they will likely never feel either. Besides that, when we discipline in love it is an excellent example of how God treats His own children.

“For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.” Hebrews 12:11

The discipline of our teens must reflect God’s discipline of us—consistent, in love, for our betterment, and not just to pay for the inconvenience we have caused Him.

​To correctly discipline your teen, it is helpful to consider the cause of their disobedient actions. There is a big difference between willful, stubborn rebellion against authority and the natural, necessary pulling away that is part of their maturity. There's also a difference between what comes from their sin nature and what comes from changing hormones? Knowing the difference will be helpful when choosing the necessary form of discipline.
 
Teens need limits. We all need limits! That's part of society's problem today— the lack of limits. However, they also need freedom and flexibility. Treat your teen like an adult, but expect them to act like a child. They have the same emotional needs for love, security, and acceptance as a child does, even though they don’t always show it, recognize it or dare to admit it.

It's helpful to take note of the areas they choose to rebel in:

• Social life and standards (friends, dress, hair)
• Responsibility (not carry their own load, not being helpful)
• School performance (grades, study habits, attitudes, responsibilities)
• Family relationships (not getting along with parents or siblings)
• Values and morals (sex, TV, music, social media, talk, deceitfulness)

 
Ask yourself why your teen choose this area to rebel in?

• Is it because you expect too much of them in this area?
• Is it because it’s an area you haven’t totally got under control in your own life?
• It is because it's overly important to you, so they know they can get a quick reaction?

Or, is there another reason altogether? It’s certainly something to consider. Pray and ask God for wisdom and insight. I always like getting to the root of the problem rather than snipping at tree branches in vain.
 
Pick your battles carefully! Never expect instant, immediate obedience in any area. If you get it, be grateful! They are no longer children, give them some space to exercise their own free will. If you can’t win a battle, don’t let it start. Decide what is major enough to make an issue of, and what isn’t. When you draw the line, do it with love, stick to it, and be consistent. Love covers a multitude of sins (I Peter 4:8). Always, in as many ways as possible, assure your teen of your unconditional love. 

Keep their emotional love tank full and overflowing!

“Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.” I Peter 4:8

When we must discipline, it’s so important for us to remember to use natural consequences instead of nagging, threatening or yelling.

Deprive them of a privilege:

• If they don’t get along with siblings, they don’t get to spend time with friends.
• If they don’t treat others nicely, they’re in “time out” so to speak and can’t be with others.
• If they don’t spend their money wisely, they just have to do without.

"It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men." —Frederick Douglass

Avoid power struggles and nagging at all costs!
​Anything that makes your teen feel that you are treating them like a little child is going to be counterproductive. Be sure you don’t play favorites. Also, make sure you don’t expect more of one child than you do another.

​The instruction of the Lord refers to training in a way that is preventative, so that correction isn’t as necessary. We accomplish this by our example as well as our words.

“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.” Deuteronomy 6:4-9

Communicate your feelings, emotions, struggles and difficulties with your teen. They will appreciate your transparency. Draw them out. Ask questions: How did that make you feel? Silently listen. Be very slow to give advice. ​Listen more than you talk. 

"Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger." (James 1:19).
​“Encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing” (I Thessalonians 5:11).

 Encourage them! It takes 99 compliments to make up for 1 criticism.

When you’ve blown it— and we’ve all been there, take responsibility for your part without blaming justifying, or making excuses. Ask forgiveness. Forgive yourself and re-establish communication. Make necessary changes so it doesn’t happen again. Be patient!

PRAY! Above all, over all, before all, during all, after all—pray, pray, pray, pray, pray and then pray some more.

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​So, how can we help our teens love God more?

• Encourage them to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, including a consistent, daily personal devotion and prayer time. Share with them your walk with Christ and what you have learned through your devotions and prayer life. Let them see this as a priority in your life.
• Let them see and be a part of answers to prayer. Teach them to pray. No one is born knowing how to pray. Knowing how to pray does not just happen naturally when you become a Christian. Jesus even had to teach the disciples how to pray. Use His example to teach your teen.
• Equip them to grow daily in their relationship with Jesus Christ by supplying them with a good, godly example of purity and commitment.
• Keep them supplied with good godly music and Christian reading material.
• Provide opportunities for them to share the Gospel with others in your community and beyond. Let them see you doing this too. Do it together! Accompany them on a mission trip. Serve with them, side by side.
• Don't expect your teen to be a servant if you are not.
• Provide fellowship with other teens that will strengthen their walk with Christ. Encourage good, wholesome, godly friendships and acquaintances. Open your home up to their friends. Be the home that everyone wants to hangout at!
• Teach them to stand strong, not to waver on the truth, not to be a follower, but to be a leader. Teach them to have goals and priorities, to be examples and encouragers of the faith.
• Challenge your teen to memorize Scripture with you.
• Frame Bible verses and hang them on the walls of your home. Change them out often, this will catch their attention.
• Be sensitive to their needs—listen, listen, and listen more!  Listen more than you talk.
• No matter how much you must scold ALWAYS PRAISE MORE. PRAISE MORE!

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Joint the movement today and download this 12 Ways to Help Your Teen Love God More printable.

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How do you help your teen love God more?