My friend has graciously and bravely allowed me to write her story. Read part 1 here: Sonja's Story: Choose Life (Part 1). She has been both open and transparent in hopes that Sonja's Story will reach someone who is about to make that critical decision between life and death of their unborn child. Today, Sonja is the executive director of a pregnancy resource center. It is her ministry to make sure others know that they can make different choices than she did.
Warning: While contents of this post are in no way graphic, they may still be disturbing to some. Journal Entry: November 18, 2014
Thankfully, there is more to my story! In reality, it's God's story. I do not understand why or how or the purpose, nor would I wrap this all up in a pretty bow and call it done. I am simply and prayerfully opening a door for you to peek into a time in my life in the hopes that you will be encouraged to make different choices.
And Then There Was Nothing
After the initial shock of the abortion wore off that evening and I poured my heart out to my best friend I was left with nothing. Empty.
For two miserable days, I simply existed with no feeling and no hope. Waiting for my body to realize what I had done. Waiting for my heart to feel the relief I expected. Those both happened, just not the way I imagined.
Two Days Later
Two days after the abortion, I began to bleed more profusely than I thought possible. It was a constant flow for hours. As evening became night, I began to worry. Is this what they meant about the bleeding? Should I take the pill?” So I did. I took the pill and went to bed hoping that the pill would work it’s magic. However, I woke up in the night and realized that the magic had not come.
As my husband slept, I found my way to my bathroom. I stood there, not knowing what to do to make the bleeding stop. Not knowing how I would explain what I did if I had to go to the hospital. I am bleeding because of an abortion... Then they would know, everyone would know. I was horrified! I stood in the darkness, darkness that was not only literal, but mental and spiritual as well. I crumpled on the floor and began to weep for my life. I thought, I might bleed to death. I could die. And I could have. I knew in that moment that it was possible. For the first time in my life, I faced my own mortality. Really faced it head-on. I could die tonight, I thought, and something inside me broke.
Get Help: Locate a Pregnancy Resource Center Near You
If you are wondering whether or not you’re pregnant, your mind is probably racing with questions. It’s common to feel confused, scared or overwhelmed. Pregnancy resource centers offer confidential support and are available to provide you accurate information about all of your pregnancy options. Click this link to locate a pregnancy resource center near you today.
You can also contact OptionLine by using their contact form, or use the Live Chat Option. Live chat is available any time, day or night. OptionLine offers free, confidential help, information about pregnancy signs and symptoms, information on all your options, and they can quickly connect you to the local assistance you need. Call their pregnancy helpline at 1-800-712-4357 or chat live now!
There was overwhelming conviction. Conviction like I had never felt before, and I knew the verdict... GUILTY! GUILTY! GUILTY!
And in the same instant that I knew His judgment and felt the weight of what I had done, I fell on my face on the floor, wrapped my arms around myself, and just sobbed... I am sorry, God. I am so, so sorry! Over and over and over again, I poured my heart out to God and wished I could take it all back. But, I couldn’t. Because what was done could never be undone. I suppose I expected that God would just turn away. That He would leave me there with a nod and say, Good luck, kid. Way to screw it all up, again. I always knew you would. I had not known a merciful God. I had not expected anything but coldness and abandon.
Just as I knew in that moment that it was the conviction of God showing me the justice and penalty I deserved, I also knew with certainty that it was His love surrounding me. Suddenly and completely His love surrounded me there in the darkness of that room. And as I said I am sorry, God’s love replied.
There are no words to describe the response from God because it was soul–felt. Not heard by ears that I might misunderstand, but heard so much deeper within. It resonated within me and surrounded me, I knew at that moment it was His forgiveness, His unfathomable and undeserved forgiveness. Forgiveness paid for by Jesus Christ on the cross. Blood bought forgiveness. I sat on the floor, crying and rocking. For just how long I don’t know, but I was in the arms of His grace the entire time. Forgiven. I cried out in repentance, and God echoed back His love. When I stood up to return to my bed I knew that something inside me was different. I was still me, but I had been touched by His love and changed by His forgiveness. You just cannot walk away from that the same. It is not possible. The impossible had happened to me there on the bathroom floor, at least impossible in my own mind. I had been forgiven. There is no explanation for why God would forgive such a travesty, no explanation but grace. Grace!
I received what I did not deserve, and I continue to receive it even today. I have faced struggles and it still hurts deeply. Even today, as I write this I grieve wishing I could take it all back. The day of the abortion was the darkest day of my life. But the sun rises! I am thankful to God that it rose for me two days later and not 10 years like for some.
He redeemed me and brought me out of the darkness. He offers that same redemption to anyone that has done what I did. They need only to recognize their guilt, their sin. Admit their sin to God, and acknowledge that they are powerless to rid themselves of it. Then simply fall on His grace and accept that the blood of Jesus Christ was shed on a cross 2000 plus years ago for moments just like this. When you experience the touch of God, as you receive His gift of grace and forgiveness, you will know what I mean about being changed. Never again the same. Praise God! Praise God! Praise God! Never again the same!
If you are pregnant, or think that you are, call a pregnancy resource center in your area and talk to someone. They are there to help you. Really, really help you. They are not getting paid for what they do. The abortion clinics are. They will look you in the eye and listen to you. The abortion clinics likely won’t. At the pregnancy resource center, they will ask you to consider life over death. I ask you to also. Choose life! Choose life! Choose life!
Choosing Life Raises your Pro-life EQ, emotional intelligence,
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In her book It's Not Supposed to Be This Way Lysa TerKeurst unveils her heart amid shattering circumstances and shows readers how to live assured when life doesn't turn out like they expected.
"What do you do when God’s timing seems questionable, His lack of intervention hurtful, and His promises doubtful?
Life often looks so very different than we hoped or expected. Some events may simply catch us off guard for a moment, but others shatter us completely. We feel disappointed and disillusioned, and we quietly start to wonder about the reality of God’s goodness.
Lysa TerKeurst understands this deeply. But she's also discovered that our disappointments can be the divine appointments our souls need to radically encounter God. In It's Not Supposed to Be This Way, Lysa invites us into her own journey of faith and, with grit, vulnerability, and honest humor, helps us to:
"What do you do when God’s timing seems questionable, His lack of intervention hurtful, and His promises doubtful?
Life often looks so very different than we hoped or expected. Some events may simply catch us off guard for a moment, but others shatter us completely. We feel disappointed and disillusioned, and we quietly start to wonder about the reality of God’s goodness.
Lysa TerKeurst understands this deeply. But she's also discovered that our disappointments can be the divine appointments our souls need to radically encounter God. In It's Not Supposed to Be This Way, Lysa invites us into her own journey of faith and, with grit, vulnerability, and honest humor, helps us to:
- Stop being pulled into the anxiety of disappointment by discovering how to better process unmet expectations and other painful situations.
- Train ourselves to recognize the three strategies of the enemy so we can stand strong and persevere through unsettling relationships and uncertain outcomes.
- Discover the secret of being steadfast and not panicking when God actually does give us more than we can handle.
- Shift our suspicion that God is cruel or unfair to the biblical assurance that God is protecting and preparing us.
- Know how to encourage a friend and help her navigate hard realities with real help from God's truth." — goodreads
3 Comments
My friend has graciously and bravely allowed me to write her story here. She has been both open and transparent in hopes that Sonja's Story will reach someone who is about to make that critical decision between life and death of their unborn child. Today, Sonja is the executive director of a pregnancy resource center. It is her ministry to make sure others know that they can make different choices than she did.
Warning: While contents of this post are in no way graphic, they may still be disturbing to some.
Warning: While contents of this post are in no way graphic, they may still be disturbing to some.
Journal Entry: February 13, 2013
Today I am trapped in a hell of my own making. A place where no matter how many times you say you are sorry, no matter how many wishes you make to undo what has been done, there is no going back. No relief from the nagging remorse, because the person that I need to apologize to the most is not here.
First, a glimpse of the waiting room and the people sitting silent and uncomfortable. Each one never looking around at the other, staring blankly at whatever they held in their hands. In the end I assure you it is a vain attempt to distract yourself. You know what is going on on the other side of that wall. Maybe you don’t fully understand. but you know.
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Second, a glimpse of the counseling room as my blood pressure is taken and I sign a waiver stating that I know what I am asking them to do. It reads like a medical procedure, like knee surgery. You may suffer injury, loss of blood, loss of life.... They are talking about my life. There is no real mention of the baby, only the pregnancy. I never looked into the eyes of the woman I was talking to. Somehow I had to stay disconnected or I might cave and change my mind.
Third, a glimpse of the room where you wait and they give you juice and cookies to make sure your blood sugar level is up I suppose. I don’t know what to call this place. It’s like a warped, uncomfortable social event. There were about five other women in this room, nervously looking around and trying to make small talk, like there is an invisible need to act like this is normal. I remember a pretty blond girl sitting beside me chatting away. |
The only thing I remember her saying is that she had been there 11 other times. Eleven! Let that sink in. I did. And it put the fear of God in me. For half a second I thought, God forgive me.
Fourth, a glimpse of the exam room. It was a lot like the room you would sit in at the doctor’s office. Sterile in appearance, with an exam table and a chair in the corner. But, don’t miss this. It is probably the second saddest part of the whole day. It is the moment that I ridiculously bowed my head and knee in front of that chair in the corner of the room and prayed. I prayed! Prayed? Prayed. But, it was pretty much to the chair because I know that had I really prayed to God, I would have stood up and walked out of the room and not back to the table to put on that gown. I prayed, God, please forgive me for what I am about to do, for what I was determined to do. I wanted Him to erase the stigma, the shame, the fear. More on how that worked out later.
Fifth, a glimpse of the procedure room. It was a pretty small room in retrospect. Too small, really, to hold the whole dynamic of it’s purpose. But, as I lay there on that table and saw the people in their masks and the machines, I had no real excuse for what I was doing. Just that I had to. That was it. I was here. Here we go. One IV and the whole thing was over. It felt like I only closed my eyes, paused for a moment, and it was done. Irrevocably done!
Fourth, a glimpse of the exam room. It was a lot like the room you would sit in at the doctor’s office. Sterile in appearance, with an exam table and a chair in the corner. But, don’t miss this. It is probably the second saddest part of the whole day. It is the moment that I ridiculously bowed my head and knee in front of that chair in the corner of the room and prayed. I prayed! Prayed? Prayed. But, it was pretty much to the chair because I know that had I really prayed to God, I would have stood up and walked out of the room and not back to the table to put on that gown. I prayed, God, please forgive me for what I am about to do, for what I was determined to do. I wanted Him to erase the stigma, the shame, the fear. More on how that worked out later.
Fifth, a glimpse of the procedure room. It was a pretty small room in retrospect. Too small, really, to hold the whole dynamic of it’s purpose. But, as I lay there on that table and saw the people in their masks and the machines, I had no real excuse for what I was doing. Just that I had to. That was it. I was here. Here we go. One IV and the whole thing was over. It felt like I only closed my eyes, paused for a moment, and it was done. Irrevocably done!
Get Help: Locate a Pregnancy Resource Center Near You
If you are wondering whether or not you’re pregnant, your mind is probably racing with questions. It’s common to feel confused, scared or overwhelmed. Pregnancy resource centers offer confidential support and are available to provide you accurate information about all of your pregnancy options. Click this link to locate a pregnancy resource center near you today.
You can also contact OptionLine by using their contact form, or use the Live Chat Option. Live chat is available any time, day or night.
OptionLine offers free, confidential help, information about pregnancy signs and symptoms, information on all your options, and they can quickly connect you to the local assistance you need.
Call their pregnancy helpline at 1-800-712-4357 or chat live now!
You can also contact OptionLine by using their contact form, or use the Live Chat Option. Live chat is available any time, day or night.
OptionLine offers free, confidential help, information about pregnancy signs and symptoms, information on all your options, and they can quickly connect you to the local assistance you need.
Call their pregnancy helpline at 1-800-712-4357 or chat live now!
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The last memory I have of that day is waking up in the recovery room to someone standing over me calling my name, encouraging me to wake up and have more juice. They were saying the anesthesia would wear off soon and I would be ready to go. There were a dozen other full beds in that room. So many. Too many.
The person in charge came around and, by now, I was more awake. I was given a pill and release papers. The pill was for the bleeding that was sure to come in a couple of days. If the bleeding gets too bad, take this pill to help it slow down, they said. If it got worse, I was to go to the emergency room.
And that was the end. We got back in the car and started back home where my mom was watching my other, two, beautiful children so my husband and I could go on a date.
The person in charge came around and, by now, I was more awake. I was given a pill and release papers. The pill was for the bleeding that was sure to come in a couple of days. If the bleeding gets too bad, take this pill to help it slow down, they said. If it got worse, I was to go to the emergency room.
And that was the end. We got back in the car and started back home where my mom was watching my other, two, beautiful children so my husband and I could go on a date.
Lies!
So, today I am stuck. For the majority of the 13 years, no one has known except for myself, my husband, and my best friend. Now, many people do. It is my ministry to make sure others know so that they can make different choices.
I killed my baby. You don’t have to.
There are so many other choices that are out there.
- Don’t get pregnant if you are not ready to be a parent. There are plenty of family planning methods that are safe and very effective.
- There are other options if you do get pregnant. Options that value your life and the life that grows inside of you. You cannot hide from the stigma, the shame or the fear by having an abortion. You cannot! They stay, Only then you have the guilt, the shame, and weight of death to add to the list.
If you are pregnant, or think that you are, call a pregnancy resource center in your area and talk to someone. They are there to help you. Really, really help you. They are not getting paid for what they do. The abortion clinics are. They will look you in the eye and listen to you. The abortion clinics likely won’t. At the pregnancy resource center, they will ask you to consider life over death. I ask you to also. Choose life! Choose life! Choose life!
Read more in next Tuesday's post Sonja's Story: Redemption (Part 2).
Choosing Life Raises your Pro-life EQ, emotional intelligence,
and empowers you to help someone choose life.
You know that abortion grieves the heart of God, but how can you help someone considering abortion choose life? This nine-week course will teach you how to understand the mindset of a woman or man considering abortion so you can communicate truth to them with grace and compassion – raising your pro-life EQ (emotional intelligence). Get your first lesson in your inbox in just five minutes!
(note: This course is NOT intended for professional training for pregnancy center workers and volunteers.)
(note: This course is NOT intended for professional training for pregnancy center workers and volunteers.)
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I've been reading It's Not Supposed to Be This Way: Finding Unexpected Strength When Disappointments Leave You Shattered by Lysa Terkeurst and I cannot recommend this book enough!
“Humans are very attached to outcomes. We say we trust God but behind the scenes we work our fingers to the bone and our emotions into a tangled fray trying to control our outcomes. We praise God when our normal looks like what we thought it would. We question God when it doesn’t. And walk away from Him when we have a sinking suspicion that God is the one who set fire to the hope that was holding us together.” ―Lysa TerKeurst, It's Not Supposed to Be This Way
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In her book It's Not Supposed to Be This Way Lysa TerKeurst unveils her heart amid shattering circumstances and shows readers how to live assured when life doesn't turn out like they expected.
"What do you do when God’s timing seems questionable, His lack of intervention hurtful, and His promises doubtful?
Life often looks so very different than we hoped or expected. Some events may simply catch us off guard for a moment, but others shatter us completely. We feel disappointed and disillusioned, and we quietly start to wonder about the reality of God’s goodness.
Lysa TerKeurst understands this deeply. But she's also discovered that our disappointments can be the divine appointments our souls need to radically encounter God. In It's Not Supposed to Be This Way, Lysa invites us into her own journey of faith and, with grit, vulnerability, and honest humor, helps us to:
"What do you do when God’s timing seems questionable, His lack of intervention hurtful, and His promises doubtful?
Life often looks so very different than we hoped or expected. Some events may simply catch us off guard for a moment, but others shatter us completely. We feel disappointed and disillusioned, and we quietly start to wonder about the reality of God’s goodness.
Lysa TerKeurst understands this deeply. But she's also discovered that our disappointments can be the divine appointments our souls need to radically encounter God. In It's Not Supposed to Be This Way, Lysa invites us into her own journey of faith and, with grit, vulnerability, and honest humor, helps us to:
- Stop being pulled into the anxiety of disappointment by discovering how to better process unmet expectations and other painful situations.
- Train ourselves to recognize the three strategies of the enemy so we can stand strong and persevere through unsettling relationships and uncertain outcomes.
- Discover the secret of being steadfast and not panicking when God actually does give us more than we can handle.
- Shift our suspicion that God is cruel or unfair to the biblical assurance that God is protecting and preparing us.
- Know how to encourage a friend and help her navigate hard realities with real help from God's truth." — goodreads
Developing relationships is a continuous part of life. From an early age, friendships are made—some for the short-term, others for a lifetime. Your child will make friends, and unless he or she is guided by the wise advice of loving parents, they can easily make friends with the wrong people.
The choice of friends during the formative school years can, and often does, influence a child for they'er entire life. A vital part of parenting is laying out a biblical foundation for your child to follow when selecting friends.
The Bible plays a vital role in how we should choose our friends. What better advice can a child, or a parent, receive than the wisdom and knowledge contained in the pages of Scripture? From Genesis to Revelation, principles and examples of good friendships, like David and Jonathan, provide Christians guidance in building healthy relationships.
Two instructive verses that parents and children alike should take note of are:
The choice of friends during the formative school years can, and often does, influence a child for they'er entire life. A vital part of parenting is laying out a biblical foundation for your child to follow when selecting friends.
The Bible plays a vital role in how we should choose our friends. What better advice can a child, or a parent, receive than the wisdom and knowledge contained in the pages of Scripture? From Genesis to Revelation, principles and examples of good friendships, like David and Jonathan, provide Christians guidance in building healthy relationships.
Two instructive verses that parents and children alike should take note of are:
"Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm." Proverbs 13:20
"Do not be deceived: Bad company ruins good morals." I Corinthians 15:33
These are just two of the verses that will give you and your child insights to biblical guidelines for selecting godly friends and developing healthy relationships.
Join the movement and download the free Character Trait Worksheet today!
Get started today, helping your child develop healthy relationships, by downloading this Character Trait Worksheet. The worksheet will take you and your child on a walk through the book of Proverbs with fill-in-the-blanks for 14 verses that will help develop healthy relationships.
"One who is righteous is a guide to his neighbor [friend], but the way of the wicked leads them astray." Proverbs 12:26 |
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4 Ways to Help Your Child Develop Healthy Relationships:
- Evaluate relationships in the light of God's Word. Avoid giving your child a checklist for selecting friends. Instead, have them develop a list of character traits they should look for in their friends. These characteristics can be based on their personal study of Scripture. Don't attempt to choose your child’s friends for them. Teach him or her how to best choose their own friends. In doing so, you will help them see that they must be wise as serpents and innocent as doves. “Behold, I am sending you out as sheep in the midst of wolves, so be wise as serpents and innocent as doves" (Matthew 10:16). Obviously, if your child makes friends with someone who has serious, known character flaws, you need to carefully monitor that relationship. In some instances, you may even need to expose your child’s friend for their true worth. Help your child understand the power of uplifting or demeaning characteristics in their friends as these characteristics will either uplift or demean your child.
- Invite your child’s friends into your home. Be the home that your child's friends want to hang out at. This allows you the opportunity to observe their behavior and listen to their speech. It's best to invite just one child at a time. Take some time to play and communicate with your child’s friend. Get a feel for their character. Build a relationship with your child's friend, AND their parents. Get to know them. Insights can be gained by interacting and observing the effect they have on your child. Once children get comfortable, they tend to reveal their true personalities. Inviting them into your home may infringe on some of your evenings or even a weekend, but this investment of time will always be a benefit.
- Discuss the behavior of your child’s friends. Don't allow this to become a time of criticism, but instead, make it an opportunity to explore the dynamics of peer to peer relationships. Emphasize accepting and loving others as Christ loves us. At the same time however, honestly evaluate any characteristics that are not Christ-like. This is the time to explain to your child the strong influence that friends have on us and the importance of choosing godly friends. Though you have the final word on who your child spends time with, honestly examine with them how each of his or her friend’s character traits could affect their life. There may be some friends your child wants to share Christ with, or offer encouragement to. Cautiously allow them these opportunities. Some of the relationships your child pursues may require extensive parental involvement. Be willing to set the example of loving as Christ loved. Encourage a balance of friends—some that will lift your child up spiritually, and some who your child lifts up spiritually.
- Involve your child in friendship-making activities. A Bible-believing church, Christian school or homeschool groups, and Christian camps are all excellent places to begin. Some traditional organizations and athletic teams offer activities that will expose children to positive friends as well. Do be aware though, that not every child attending a Christian activity will be a positive influence on your child. Evaluate each individual according to the Scriptural guidelines that you and your child have determined to establish the kind of friend he or she will be to your child.
Friends play an undeniable part in the growth process of our children. In today’s fast-paced society, it is easy to assume that our children’s friendships will take care of themselves, or that Christian friends are always safe for our children. These are not wise assumptions. As in all other aspects of life, our children must be taught how to evaluate relationships in the light of God’s Word. |
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Listen Up! Kids Sermon Notes & Prayer Journal
We love this sermon notes and prayer journal, and you'll love it too!
Listen Up! is a one-year journal of pages intended to help your child learn to listen to the message of the sermon while sitting in big church. This is a GREAT IDEA FOR EASTER BASKETS!!! Buy it here.
Listen Up! is a one-year journal of pages intended to help your child learn to listen to the message of the sermon while sitting in big church. This is a GREAT IDEA FOR EASTER BASKETS!!! Buy it here.
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Fun designs will draw in your child to want to fill in the blanks and answer the questions. The journal style enables your child to take ownership of their learning and realize that this is something they can do. Big church is not just for the adults. The questions move from simply stating who is speaking, about what, and where to find it in the Bible, to what do I need to find out more about and think about how to apply what they've learned.
Space is also provided for your child to record their prayer requests as they are encouraged to watch and pay attention to how God answers our prayers. Keeping these notes and prayers in one journal through the year will allow your child to look back and see the amazing things they have learned and the ways God has answered their prayers and worked in their life. |
This journal is likely to become a keepsake you and your child will treasure for years to come! Here's a peek at a few of the inside pages.
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We, as parents, have the responsibility of teaching our children how to choose good friends and develop healthy relationships. So, what do you do to assure that your children have the tools they need to do this?
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