5 Common Mistakes That Can Ruin Your Homeschool Experience

If seeing the title of this post led to you rushing here to read more, then you likely fall into one of two camps. Either you are considering homeschooling for your child and want to get ahead of the game or you are already homeschooling and perhaps feeling some frustrations about your experience.

Homeschooling is an amazing gift for both parents and children alike, but that doesn’t mean that it does not also have its own unique set of trials and possible pitfalls to navigate. 
​
The good news is that these things can be avoided and corrected, allowing for you and your family’s homeschool experience to be a fun, fruitful, and enriching time! As parents, we are and always will be our children’s first and primary educators, even if we decide not to homeschool long-term.

“And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.” Deuteronomy 6:6-7

Biblically, parents are called to pursue passing down authentic faith to their children through instruction, correction, and guidance. We are likewise tasked with overseeing that they become well-rounded individuals who are prepared for a life of independence as good, responsible citizens. Whether you’ve yet to embark on your homeschooling journey or if you’ve started but are growing a bit weary, my hope and prayer is that you will be encouraged by what I share here. I can humbly admit that I’ve made all of these mistakes, and yet God has been faithful to teach me and help me improve as a homeschool mom. Each time I’ve misstepped has helped not only to shape me into a better teacher but also a better mom for my daughter. 
​
Here are five common mistakes that can ruin a homeschool experience:

1. ​Having unrealistic expectations
   ​These expectations can vary greatly. Some parents expect that because concepts can be covered more quickly they should be able to finish way ahead of their classroom peers. Another expectation is that parents can be hands-off, simply giving worksheets, lessons, and videos to a child and that will be enough. Other parents might expect they can do more with their child that is feasible — field trips every week, art projects, numerous extracurriculars, engaging activities, etc.
   
   My point is that what is an unrealistic expectation for me as a homeschool parent may not be the same for you. Additionally, when we compare or set our expectations based on what we see others doing, we are likely setting ourselves up for disappointment and our children will be frustrated as well. 
   
   Whether you are new to homeschooling or have been at it for a while, my advice is to be honest with yourself about what you expect to accomplish and experience through homeschooling. Then compare that with what your child needs. What does your child need to be successful this year? What life skills are appropriate for them to grow in this year? What are the educational markers they need to meet? What are his/her current personal interests? In what ways can you use these interests and strengths to help them progress academically? 
   
   These are the primary factors we need to consider as parent educators. We need to meet each child where he or she is. In my opinion, this is the beauty of homeschooling — tailoring education to your child to foster a personal love of learning! 
   
   In my early days of homeschooling, I held very tightly to my personal expectations of what our journey would look like and how each day should be structured. And, I finally had to admit these expectations were damaging to both my and my daughter’s experience because they were unrealistic for us. My expectations did not align with what my daughter needed. As a result, neither of us enjoyed the process. Creating realistic expectations based on what would be most beneficial for my daughter has been a game-changer. 
   
   Additionally, as my daughter has gotten older, I try to seek her input in how we structure our school day. Within set boundaries and with guidance, she can voice and have some ownership in how we format our day. As a first grader this year, she helped me set our daily order of subjects, when she felt a stretch or reading break would be most useful, how best to set up our classroom environment, and other simple decisions that impact both of our experiences. This can be challenging, especially for us moms who lean toward being more managerial. However allowing your children to have a vested interest and role in your system and environment can have a very positive pay-off, both for you and for them! 
   
   This is an ongoing process. So, don’t be discouraged when it takes periodic tweaks to get a place that’s right for you. Homeschooling gives you the freedom to navigate and change course as needed! Thoughtfully consider your expectations and be willing to let go of the ones that will ultimately hinder your progress and experience. Chart a course based on the needs of your child and the goals they need to reach. Doing this will make all the difference in your day-to-day experience as you steer your child to meet his/her goals!
   
   
2. Failing to be organized
   As with most things in life, preparation is the most important step in getting things done right and avoiding chaos. Done well, homeschooling is not a fly-by-your-seat endeavor. It takes planning and preparation. Here are some basic, practical examples of planning, that if left undone, can lead to frustration and stress:
   In what space are you creating a classroom? 
   Does your curriculum list needed supplies and are they organized and accessible?
   How do you expect your child to interact in and care for his/her workspace?
   What is the scope and sequence of each unit?
   
   One of the most practical ways for me to stay organized is to treat each subject like I am planning a trip. I need to know where we are and where our destination is going to be. I need to know the stops along the way. At the start of each new unit, I take time to study an overview of what we will cover. Then, week by week, I will look at each lesson to see the specifics of what each lesson will cover. This not only helps me be generally prepared but it also gives me insight into where my daughter will thrive and where she will likely need extra help and instruction. Knowing this ahead of time removes so much stress and empowers me to be ready to assist my daughter better where she needs it most. 
   
   Lack of organization always leads to feelings of anxiety and frustration, both for us and our children. While it does require a little extra work on the front end, being organized and prepared will always smooth the way for a much better all-around experience for everyone.
   
   
3. Not enough/Too much structure
   Finding the right balance between too little and too much structure can be tricky. While I haven’t met any personally, I’ve heard plenty of stories of homeschooling families who essentially free-range school — a little here, a little there, and no rhyme or reason in between. 
   
   This method can be damaging because it ignores our child’s need for routine. We all need structure in our lives, and children need it most of all. When children lack definitive daily patterns, expectations, and organization, they will likely feel anxious, easily distracted, and have difficulty staying engaged in a task. 
   
   Conversely, regular routines and responsibilities foster independence and confidence for children to persevere and try new things. A consistent, structured environment provides the stability kids need to practice, strengthen, and master new skills. 
   
   However, as is more often the case, we as homeschooling parents can swing too far in the other direction and over-structure how we run our homeschooling process. This can often evidence itself in two ways:
   An over-planning of activities and coursework—The temptation to maximize our children’s educational years can often lead to overfilling our schedule with activities and functions. We desperately want our kids to have all the experiences and opportunities to excel and take part in things that will create memories, strike up a passion, and aid in helping them to be well-rounded. 
   
   The biggest problem with this approach is that it fails to give our children something they greatly need — quiet. All of us, and especially children, need quiet time. We need time to process what we’re learning and experiencing. We need quiet time of reflection to recharge and ignite our creativity. We need quiet, unhurried time to allow for meaningful connection with our family. If every moment is scheduled and filled, this becomes incredibly difficult. 
   
   It is of great benefit to you and your child to help them carefully balance their responsibilities and interests in a way that also allows for intentional times of rest, reflection, and quiet. 
   
   A rigid and institutionalized approach to the process—I’ll admit, as a former classroom teacher, I have been very guilty of this one! A traditional classroom environment requires a lot of structure and protocols. This is because as a teacher you are leading large groups of children where the need for stricter boundaries and systems is necessary to keep everyone on the same page. 
   
   But when you try to transplant that same kind of structure to homeschooling one child or even a few children, it can become stifling and frustrating for all involved. Take it from me, trying to force a classroom schedule into a homeschool environment is the quickest way to take all the fun out of educating your kids at home. 
   
   This is because, at its core, homeschooling is centered on the family and not an institution. Think of it this way, you wouldn’t want to go on a date with your spouse that was run like a business meeting. What is necessary to have a successful business meeting is vastly different from what makes a date night truly enjoyable. In other words, it's apples to oranges and the same rules don’t apply!
   
   This is not easy. For many of us, a traditional, institutional model is all we know, so it can be hard to break away from that. As you navigate how to make a structure that works best for you and your family, keep these principles in mind:
   Create a structure that has a realistic and flexible routine. Make a plan, but always leave a little room for the unexpected. Make sure that the rules and boundaries you set for your school day are clear, age-appropriate, and attainable. 
   Create a structure that fosters personal responsibility. Regardless of age, don’t be your child’s micro-manager. When we excessively supervise our children we exhaust ourselves and prevent our kids from learning to take initiative, be independent, and act responsibly. Give them agency to have independent responsibilities in the daily routine with clear expectations. 
   
   For example, when my daughter was in kindergarten, she was responsible for getting herself ready for the day. She had a simple checklist of what she was to do each morning to be ready for her lessons and a set amount of time in which she had to do it. These things included eating and cleaning up from breakfast, getting dressed, brushing her teeth, making her bed, etc. If she finished early she could choose to read or do another activity in her room until school started. I walked her through this checklist for a few weeks, and then it was up to her to get it done on her own.
   
   
4. Seeing the curriculum as a “god” instead of a guide 
   When I was in college training to be a classroom teacher, one of my professors drove this point home over and over — the curriculum is a guide, not a “god.” This does not mean if you don’t want to do something that you can just skip over or ignore it. What is does mean is that the curriculum is meant to be a tool used by YOU. A good teacher will recognize when the approach the curriculum is using to teach a concept is not working and change tactics. 
   
   Earlier this year my daughter was struggling with a math concept. The curriculum we are using is amazing, but for some reason, the way they presented this particular skill was not clicking with my daughter. If I stubbornly insisted she had to figure it out the way they outlined, she would have become increasingly frustrated, and I fear we might still be slogging our way through that particular unit! I had to be creative and find a way to instruct her that she could connect with. It took some time and a lot of patience but we finally found a method that worked! She learned and mastered the concept even if it wasn’t exactly like the curriculum told me to try it. 
   
   Use the curriculum, but never be a slave to it. Be flexible and willing to try a different approach when needed. 
   
   
5. Doing homeschooling without a community
   Both you and your child need the community to multiply the benefits of homeschooling. Find a co-op that meets weekly or bi-monthly. Create a playgroup with other homeschoolers, because learning can happen through play, too! Find groups to do outings, field trips, and hands-on activities with others in your church or local community. Seek out other homeschool parents, especially seasoned ones who can encourage, challenge, and mentor you! 
   
   ​The purpose for this goes beyond just a need for socialization. Homeschooling provides the freedom and flexibility to curate experiences and expand our child’s worldview. Taking part in or crafting a community is critical for you and your homeschooler because you will be more successful in a community than if you try to do it all in isolation. Scour social media, Facebook, and Google for groups. Recruit people from your church and neighborhood. Build the community you want that aligns with your values, goals, and philosophy.

Be encouraged — if you fall into any or all of these pitfalls, you can always find your way back. Homeschooling is not a one-size-fits-all or a once-and-done endeavor. It’s a beautiful undertaking that will have unique seasons as you and your child learn and grow. 

C.S. Lewis, one of my favorite authors, once said, “Children are not a distraction from important work. They are the most important work.” If you feel the Lord leading you towards homeschooling, you will be engaging in important, worthwhile, and immensely valuable work. As the adage goes, “The days are long but the years are short.” We have such limited time to influence, instruct, and prepare our children for the future. Lord, help us to redeem that time, preparing them for life and passing on our faith in deeply authentic ways. 

Next month, I plan to share some of my favorite homeschooling resources! So please check back for my next post in May!

What expectations, whether personal or societal, have you placed on your homeschooling journey that might be unintentionally hindering the joy and effectiveness of the experience for both you and your child?

Read also 4 of My Favorite Homeschooling Resources and 5 of My Favorite Homeschooling Curriculums.