3 Ways to Make the Most of the Early Years

Our church has just experienced a bit of a baby boom over the last few months. Many of those little ones are the first baby to be born in their respective families. I was chatting with one of the new fathers recently, and he half-jokingly said, “It didn’t take me very long to realize there are so many ways I could mess this up!” 

There are many levels on which this is true. Of course, in those early days where sleep feels elusive and there are the new demands of caring for a baby, parents can find themselves “messing up” by putting a diaper on backwards, struggling for hours over how to install a car seat, or mistakenly putting the baby’s formula in the coffeemaker! But the older a child becomes, even while they are still small, you begin to realize as a parent how many more serious ways you can “mess this up.” As my daughter has grown, so has the weight of what is at stake and my desire to get it right. ​

Parenting is a holy responsibility and gift that requires us to steward the emotional, mental, relational, and spiritual lives of our children. As parents, we are entrusted with guiding them toward healthy, God-honoring adulthood. 

Most parents, especially those who know and love the Lord, desire to raise their children to thrive as adults. I recently heard a podcast in which Christian author Patrick Morley explained that in order for this to happen, children need what he refers to as “the right cocktail of love, structure, roots, and wings.” 

• Love: Our children need to know they are deeply loved and cherished—that they are seen, valued, and that we are proud of them and believe in who God is shaping them to be.
• Structure: Our children need clear boundaries, rules, and expectations, along with an understanding of the consequences of disobedience. Healthy structure provides guardrails that create security, giving children the confidence to explore within a safe and loving framework.
• Roots: Our children need to know their home is a place of safety and belonging—a refuge where, no matter the challenges they face, they are met with acceptance, grace, and support.
• Wings: Our children need guidance, instruction, and opportunities that prepare them for adulthood, helping them develop competence, confidence, and independence as they step into the world.

With this framework in mind, I have been prayerfully reflecting on how to steward the remaining early years with my daughter. What kind of foundation are my husband and I laying? Are we faithfully balancing love, structure, roots, and wings? And what daily practices does God want us to be cultivating to fully embrace and redeem this unique and fleeting season of her life?

After much prayer and reflection, the Lord has been shaping my heart around three key truths—truths I am seeking to keep before me each day.

1. Be fully engaged.
   In one sense, things are easier once we have moved past the intensive days of midnight feedings, blowout diapers, and sleep regressions, but in other ways, our children begin to require much more of us. 
   
   We have to show up in ways our children didn’t need when they were infants. They need us to listen, to teach, to correct, and more. Our interactions become progressively more meaningful beyond the routine of daily schedules and tasks. 
   
   And let’s be honest—the further we journey into parenthood, the more we’re tired and stretched in every direction. No wonder it’s so easy to slip into passivity. 
   
   But passivity isn’t an option for the Christian parent. In Deuteronomy 6:6-7, we see that God expects and empowers us to be actively engaged in the upbringing, spiritual training, and discipline of our kids. 
   
   "And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.”
   
   This Biblical picture of parenting is rich with language that calls us to be actively engaged with our children and intentional in pursuing their hearts. If you’re like me, this is easy to understand but much harder to do. 
   
   This is due, in large part, to my own selfishness. And the selfish heart will always pursue the path of least resistance — passivity. What Biblical parenting requires of me is that I must die to myself — my pleasures, my desires, my comfort, my self-seeking heart. And in order to do that, I must be drinking deeply from God’s Word — making sure I am fed through personal study, pastoral instruction, and spiritually enriching friendships. 
   
   I cannot offer my child something that I don’t have. Nor can I hope to overcome my natural tendency toward selfishness and detachment unless I remain connected to the life-giving presence of God’s Word and Spirit. 
   
   It’s not easy. Life demands a lot from us. Jobs, school, finances, aging parents, responsibilities, and children can often stretch us beyond what we feel we can handle. But that’s just it. WE can’t handle it — not apart from dependence upon the Lord. If He has called you to parenting, then it is He alone who can empower you to do it. 
   
   
2. Ask more. Listen well. 
   When I was a child, I remember feeling like I was always spoken to but rarely listened to. As parents, we are constantly talking to our children. We tell our kids what to think, what to say, what to do, what not to say and do — among many other things. But how often do we invite our children to speak? How often do we give them room to share what’s rumbling around in their thoughts or weighing on their hearts? Do they feel safe to do this?
   
   One of the keys to being a good counselor is asking thoughtful questions and creating space for others to speak, revealing what is truly going on beneath the surface. We are our kids' first and primary counselors, and if we want to know what is really going on and how to truly reach them, we need to ask more questions and listen well. 
   
   “If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame.” Proverbs 18:13
   “Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.” James 1:19
   “Let the wise hear and increase in learning, and the one who understands obtain guidance.” Proverbs 1:5
   
   Again and again, the Bible tells us that true wisdom comes from listening. We see that those who ask questions and listen grow in understanding, while those who are hasty to conclude often miss what really matters. If we want to understand what our children really need from us, then we have to be intentional about asking meaningful questions and listening with humility. 
   
   
3. Patience and perseverance go hand in hand. 
   Parenting is a long lesson in patience and perseverance. Kids don’t come with a handbook. They grow at their own pace, often testing our limits along the way. There are the daily repetitive things of answering the same questions, walking them through big emotions, and correcting the same behavior over and over.
   Perseverance is the companion of patience. It’s what keeps us showing up even when we’re tired, frustrated, or feel like we’re failing. It’s loving, teaching, guiding, and correcting consistently over months and years. And while the process is messy, that steady effort is what shapes both our kids and us.
   
   Parenting both requires and teaches patience because we have to slow down, listen, and endure the small struggles again and again. It teaches perseverance because real growth—our children’s maturity, faith, and character—takes sustained effort over time. Together, they form a kind of long, lived curriculum in humility, endurance, and love.
   
   This is what God wants for us, and for our children, too. He wants our rough places to be smoothed out through the sanctifying work of parenting. Parenting doesn’t just reveal our children’s sins; it exposes our own as well. Before I became a parent of a young child, I had no idea how much I struggled with anger. But repeating instructions over and over, dealing with a willful heart, or responding to a dismissive attitude revealed sides of me I had never faced before. I could clearly see my child’s sin—but truthfully, I could also see my own.
   
   ​Just as God has been patient with me, I need to be patient with my daughter. Just as He has persevered and remained faithful in shaping me, I must persevere as an earthly parent. I have to show up faithfully for her—even on the days it feels hopeless or I feel like I’m messing it all up. 
   
   God doesn’t expect us to parent perfectly. He knows our frame. But He does call us to patience and perseverance, even when the results aren’t obvious or seem like they’ll never come. We till the soil, plant, water, and stay faithful—and then we leave the growth to Him (1 Cor. 3:6).

If you are a parent in the early years and you are feeling tired, discouraged, or uncertain if anything you are doing is making a difference, I see you. I’m walking that same road right beside you. I know the pressure you feel to love your children and parent well. But let me say, while parenting is certainly a marathon and not a sprint, it’s also not a race. It’s not a race to produce perfect children or to check off milestones. It’s a daily calling to love, guide, and nurture them, trusting that God is at work in both their hearts and ours.

Perhaps you are a parent of a wayward child. If so, allow me to give you hope. Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” This may not sound encouraging at face value, since your present experience is that they have departed from the truth. But understand this — this verse isn’t prescriptive, it’s descriptive. In other words, this isn’t a promise to all parents that if you teach your child well and faithfully present the Gospel, they’ll “turn out right.” What this verse does is offer hope to all parents that what you teach your child will stay with them forever. Even if they grow up and choose not to follow it, the truth will remain with them. They will carry it with them forever. Why is this hopeful? Whether they like it or not, they carry the Gospel with them in their hearts, and Lord willing, one day that seed you planted may just sprout and grow. 

You haven’t seen the whole story of your children yet. God can take their choices and mistakes and use them to teach, correct, and shape their hearts. His hand is at work in their lives, even when it doesn’t look like it, and His grace is bigger than any struggle they—or we—might face. 

Perhaps you are not a parent, or maybe you’re a grandparent far beyond this phase of life. This word is for you, too! You likely have friends or family who are walking through this season. Let this encourage you in how you can pray for and support them as they seek to raise Godly children. 

Children, at all stages, require much from us. But they give so much, too! They are truly a gift from the Lord. There will be countless times when we feel tired or unsure, but remember that God sees our faithfulness. He equips the weary and multiplies small, consistent efforts in ways we often don’t see. Our calling is to be active, humble, faithful, patient, and persistent. 

And while we can’t control every outcome, He is at work in our children’s hearts, guiding them in ways we often don’t see. Best of all, when we fail—which we will—His will meet us there and help us to start anew with fresh grace tomorrow. 

“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” Lamentations 3:22-23

​What might change in your child’s heart—and your own—if you approached each day of the early years as a sacred opportunity to intentionally reflect God’s love, patience, and truth?